Talking about Adventure and Vlog 1

Today I recorded a Vlog video diary :)

More on adventure:

What is adventure? I know what I think it means: doing something exciting that you've never done before, maybe even something risky!

Here's what Dictionary.com says it means:

noun
1. an exciting or unusual experience
2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises: the spirit of adventure
3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome
4. a commercial or financial speculation of any kind; venture

So why am I feeling like I my life right now isn't adventurous right now when it totally is? My mind was just clinging to the idea (that many hold, I think) that you have to go somewhere to go on a grand adventure. And you can, and it will probably be epic. Nothing wrong with that, both ways are equal in my mind now.

I am now certain and content with the idea that I can stay exactly where I am and still live adventurously. Have exciting and unusual experiences that are risky and which have uncertain outcomes. That kindof sounds like life.

I kindof think that is the whole concept of the freely living blog... to let go of patterns that rule my life and live more freely, adventurously, with less expectations of outcomes and just taking life in as it is :) Welcoming the uncertain!

Anyways, why is adventure so important anyways? (I'm not saying it is not, but its an interesting question nonetheless.)

Does it make our lives seem more worthwhile, more exciting?

Just trying to look at it from kindof a Buddhist/ego questioning perspective. But .. I want to paint. Can't stop to think ..

Ha!

Love and awesome adventures!
Sofie K

p.s.

Pema Chodron..
As human beings we share a tendency to scramble for certainty whenever we realize that everything around us is in flux. In difficult times the stress of trying to find solid ground-something predictable and safe to stand on-seems to intensify. But in truth, the very nature of our existence is forever in flux. Everything keeps changing, whether we're aware of it or not.
What a predicament! We seem doomed to suffer simply because we have a deep-seated fear of how things really are. Our attempts to find lasting pleasure, lasting security, are at odds with the fact that we're part of a dynamic system in which everything and everyone is in process."
(Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change)

Mural on the Wall

Tonight I began painting a mural on a wall in my room. It was a lot of fun to paint on such a large scale surface and the entire time I was painting I was in an awesome state of bliss, listening to bluegrass songs about losing the one you love and thinking about how everything just works out so perfectly in life, huh?

The whole thing was just a giant metaphor. I kept trying to "see the big picture" but finally surrendered into focusing on the small details of the mural, which will eventually make up the huge mural. The patterns and shapes just flowed out of me when I allowed my mind to cease it's wanting to dictate and plan every little move. My hands took over. At times I would step back and decide where to go next.

I made lots of "mistakes" which later became the perfect layers on which to paint other, different, brighter lines, shapes, patterns, colors..

Lately I've been super jealous of my friend's upcoming backpacking trip across South America. I've kindof been making myself feel "bad" that my life isn't adventurous "enough" right now and that I "should be" or "want to be" planning an epic trip of my own.

I mean, of course I want adventure and travels, but honestly, in the past my "issues" have gotten very in the way of me fully experiencing and living in the moment during my traveling.

I feel like I AM on an epic adventure right now. Living my life in a completely new way .. feeling more free and open than I remember feeling since I was a kid and inspired also.

Re-learning how to eat without fear or compulsion has been and continues to be an eye-mind-heart-body-opening experience :)

I feel like my experience of life is getting better and better every day and whatever I wish to manifest has been happening too :)

For the time being, I am fully content living my simple life, doing yoga, going for jogs with Shadow, making yummy green juices and sauerkraut concoctions .. who knows what kinds of spontaneous random synchronistic psychedelic adventures the winter and spring will offer :)

Love and Randomness

Sofie K

Beyond Habits

A post about releasing habits effortlessly by simply bringing more awareness to them, from the Meditation facebook page, deeply intrigued me.

We all have habits, some we assign the label of "good," some "evil, life-destroying, ugly, shameful, etc.) Osho believes that all habits are "bad," because they take us out of the present moment, and instead we re-act in a way that has worked for us in the past, even though it may not be the appropriate solution at this current time and place.

Personally, I have a habit of dieting and then bingeing and seeking comfort in food, ( a habit that is currently serving my life in a way that is allowing me to learn and become conscious of how intensely humans "make a habit ;) of limiting their own lives, and also by allowing me to gain understanding and awareness that there are ways to release patterns and habits, to live a more present life in each moment. Freely Living is a  process, and releasing habits is progress!)  I simply inserted my personal habits anywhere the post mentioned "smoking." The same can be done with any habit you desire to release, just insert it where ever you see "smoking." The concept is the same no matter what the particular habit is that you are allowing to keep you its slave.

               " I am less interested in your chain-smoking; I am more interested in your habit. Life is continuously changing — it is a flux — and habits are stagnant. The more you are surrounded by habits, the more you are closed to life. One should live more in freedom. One should be able to do things not according to habits but according to the situations. You don’t have any communication with life; you go on repeating your habits. They don’t fit; they are not the right response to the situation, to the moment. Habits are all bad because habit means something unconscious has become a dominating factor in your life, has become decisive. You are no longer the deciding factor. The response is not coming out of awareness but out of a pattern, structure, that you have learned in the past."

The author explains that we repeat habits because we are full of anxiety, tension, and worry, and that slipping into the "unconscious" act of performing a habit distracts us from our anxiety. The habit is just the symptom of a deeper issue, and we can use to avoid being fully present in a situation where we feel uncomfortable (anxious, afraid, depressed, worried, nervous, angry, frustrated.)

"You cannot cure food addiction by dieting.." I'm not sure if you can cure any real addiction simply by abstaining, without going absolutely freaking nuts. The addiction is the symptom, after all, and the reasons that led us to begin the addiction in the first place (and seek comfort in the habit of our choice) will continue to arise and lead us back to our habits. Especially if we are trying to avoid it.

I know for me, when I have uncomfortable feelings, I want to push them away by literally stuffing them down with heavy foods. I also know though, that much of my anxiety, fears, and worry, comes from the pressure I put on myself to be a certain way in my body. (The way I think it should look and feel.) Human behavior , thought, feeling, and emotion is pretty complex though, I realize this.

What I think the author is urging us to do is to simplify life a little, not by trying to solve a problem at once, but simply by being aware of our behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and emotions, especially around our habits.

Here is the full post by Osho:

BeyondHabits

I cannot drop the habit of chain-smoking. I have tried hard but I have always failed. Is it a sin to smoke?

 

Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill! Religious people are very skillful in doing that. Now, what are you really doing when you are smoking? Just taking some smoke inside your lungs and letting it out. It is a kind of pranayama...filthy, dirty, but still a pranayama! You are doing yoga, in a stupid way. It is not sin. It may befoolish but it is not a sin, certainly.

There is only one sin and that is unawareness, and only one virtue and that is awareness.

Do whatsoever you are doing, but remain a witness to it, and immediately the quality of your doing is transformed.

I will not tell you not to smoke; that you have tried. You must have been told by many so-called saints not to smoke: “Because if you smoke you will fall into hell.” God is not so stupid as your saints are. Throwing somebody into hell just because he was smoking cigarettes will be absolutely unnecessary.

One morning Weintraub went to a restaurant and ordered bacon with his eggs. He was an orthodox Jew and his wife kept a strictly kosher home, but Weintraubfelt the need just this once.

As Weintraub was about to leave the restaurant, he stopped in the door frozen with terror. The sky was filled with black clouds, there was lightning, and the ground shook with the rumble of thunder.

“Can you imagine!” he exclaimed. “All that fuss over a little piece of bacon!”

But that’s what your so-called saints have been telling you down through the ages, for centuries.

Smoking is unhealthy, unhygienic, but not a sin. It becomes a sin only if you are doing it unconsciously. It is not smoking that makes it a sin but unconsciousness.

Let me emphasize the fact. You can do your prayer every day unconsciously; then your prayer is a sin. You can become addicted to your prayer. If you miss the prayer one day, the whole day you will feel something is wrong, something ismissing...some gap. It is the same with smoking or with drinking; there is nodifference in it. Your prayer has become a mechanical habit; it has become a master over you. It bosses you; you are just a servant, a slave to it. If you don’t do it, it forces you to do it.

So it is not a question of smoking. You may be doing your Transcendental Meditation every day regularly, and it may be just the same. If the quality of unconsciousness is there, if mechanicalness is there, if it has become a fixed routine, if it has become a habit and you are a victim of the habit and you cannot put it aside, you are no longer a master of yourself, then it is a sin.But its being a sin comes out of your unconsciousness, not out of the act itself.

No act is virtuous, no act is a sin. What consciousness is behind the act —everything depends on that.

You say: “I cannot drop the habit of chain-smoking.” I am less interested in your chain-smoking; I am more interested in your habit. Any habit that becomes a force, a dominating force over you, is a sin. One should live more infreedom. One should be able to do things not according to habits but according to the situations.

Life is continuously changing — it is a flux — and habits are stagnant. Themore you are surrounded by habits, the more you are closed to life. You are notopen, you don’t have windows. You don’t have any communication with life; yougo on repeating your habits. They don’t fit; they are not the right response tothe situation, to the moment. They are always lagging behind, they are alwaysfalling short. That’s the failure of your life.

So remember: I am against all kinds of habits. Good or bad is not the point.There is no good habit as such, there is no bad habit as such. Habits are allbad because habit means something unconscious has become a dominating factor inyour life, has become decisive. You are no longer the deciding factor. Theresponse is not coming out of awareness but out of a pattern, structure, thatyou have learned in the past.

I have seen many rich people living very poor lives. Before they became richtheir habits became settled — and their habits became settled when they werepoor. That’s why you find so much miserliness in rich people; it comes from thehabits that became ingrained in them when they were poor.

One of the richest men in the world — not one of the richest but the richestman in the world, it is thought — was the Nizam of Hyderabad. His collection ofdiamonds was the greatest in the world because he owned the diamond mines ofGolconda, which have provided the greatest diamonds to the world. The Kohinoorcomes from Golconda. It was once in the Nizam’s possession. He had so manydiamonds that it is said that no one has ever been able to calculate exactlythe price of his collection. Thousands and thousands of diamonds — they werenot counted, they were weighed!

But he was one of the most miserly men in the world. He used a single cap forthirty years. It was stinking but he wouldn’t change it. He continued to wearthe same coat for almost his whole life and he would not give it to be washedbecause they might destroy it. He was so miserly — you cannot imagine — that hewould collect half-smoked cigarettes from the guests’ ashtrays and then smokethem. The richest man in the world smoking cigarette butts smoked by others!The first thing he would do whenever a guest left was to search in the ashtraysand collect the ends of the cigarettes.

When he died, his greatest diamond was found in his dirty shoes. He was hidingit in his shoe! Maybe he had some idea behind it — that maybe he would be ableto take it with him to the other world. Maybe he was afraid: “When I am dead,people may steal it.” It was the greatest diamond; he used that diamond as apaper-weight on his table. Before he died he must have put it inside his shoe.

Even when one is dying one is moving in old habits, following old patterns. Ihave heard:

The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt deathapproaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordereda beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had abeautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.

The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see howit would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, “What is this! Where are thepockets?”

Smoking or no smoking, that is not important. Maybe if you continue to smokeyou will die a little earlier. So what? The world is so overpopulated, you willdo some good by dying a little earlier. Maybe you will have tuberculosis. Sowhat? Tuberculosis is now almost like the common cold. In fact, there is nocure for the common cold but there is a cure for tuberculosis I know it becauseI suffer from a common cold. To have tuberculosis is to be very fortunate.

So it is possible that you may die two years earlier, you may get tuberculosis— but it is not a sin. Don’t be worried about that. If you really want to dosomething about your life, dropping smoking is not going to help — because Iknow people who drop smoking; then they start chewing gum. The same oldstupidity! Or if they are Indians they start chewing pan; it is the same. Youwill do something or other. Your unconsciousness will demand some activity,some occupation. It is an occupation. And it is only a symptom; it is notreally the problem. It is not the root of the problem.

Have you not observed? Whenever you feel emotionally disturbed you immediatelystart smoking. It gives you a kind of relief; you become occupied. Your mind isdistracted from the emotional problem. Whenever people feel tense they startsmoking. The problem is tension, the problem is emotional disturbance — theproblem is somewhere else; smoking is just an occupation. So you become engagedin taking the smoke in and out and you forget for the time being...because mindcannot think of two things together, remember it. One of the fundamentals ofmind is: it can think only of one thing at one time; it is one-dimensional. Soif you are smoking and thinking of smoking, then from all other anxieties youare distracted.

That’s the whole secret of the so-called spiritual mantras: they are nothingbut distractions, like smoking. You repeat “Om, Om, Om,” or “Ram, Ram, Ram,” or“Allah, Allah, Allah” — that is just giving mind an occupation. And all thesepeople who teach mantras say, “Repeat it as quickly as possible, so thatbetween two repetitions there is not even a small gap. Let them overlap — so ‘RamRam Ram’ — don’t leave a gap between two Rams, otherwise some thought mayenter. Repeat it like crazy!”

Yes, it will give you a certain relief — the same relief that comes fromsmoking, because your mind will be distracted from the anxieties and the world.You will forget about the world; you have created a trick. All mantras aretricks, but they are spiritual. Chain-smoking is also a mantra. It is a worldlymantra; non-religious you can call it, secular.

The real problem is the habit.

You say: “I have tried hard to drop it....”

You have not tried to be conscious of it; without trying to be conscious youhave tried to drop it. It is not possible. It will come back, because your mindis the same; its needs are the same, its problems are the same, its anxieties,tensions are the same, its anguish is the same. And when those anxieties arise,what will you do? Immediately, mechanically, you will start searching for thecigarettes.

You may have decided again and again, and again and again you have failed — notbecause smoking is such a great phenomenon that you cannot get out of it, butbecause you are trying from the wrong end. Rather than becoming aware of thewhole situation — why you smoke in the first place — rather than becoming awareof the process of smoking, you are simply trying to drop it. It is like pruningthe leaves of a tree without cutting the roots. And my whole concern here is tocut the roots, not to prune the tree.

By pruning the leaves and the branches the tree will become thicker, thefoliage will become thicker. You will not destroy the tree; you will be helpingit, in fact. If you really want to get out of it you will have to look deeper,not into the symptoms but the roots. Where are the roots?

You must be a deeply anxiety-ridden person, otherwise chain-smoking is notpossible; chain-smoking is a by-product. You must be so concerned about athousand and one disturbances inside, you must be carrying such a big load ofworries on your heart, on your chest, that you don’t even know how to forgetthem. You don’t know how to drop them; smoking at least helps you to forgetabout them.

 You say: “I have tried hard....”












Now one thing has to be understood. The hypnotists have discovered afundamental law; they call it the Law of Reverse Effect. If you try hard to dosomething without understanding the fundamentals, just the opposite will be theresult.

It is like when you are learning how to ride on a bicycle. You are on a silentroad, no traffic, early in the morning, and you see a red milestone juststanding there by the side of the road like Hanuman. A sixty-foot-wide road andjust a small milestone, and you become afraid: you may get to the milestone,you may hit the milestone. Now you forget about the sixty-foot-wide road. Infact, even if you go blindfolded there is not much chance of your encounteringthe milestone, crashing into the milestone, but with open eyes now the wholeroad is forgotten; you have become focused. In the first place, that redness isvery focusing. And you are so afraid, you want to avoid it. You have forgottenthat you are on a bicycle; you have forgotten everything. Now the only problemfor you is how to avoid this stone; otherwise you may harm yourself, you maycrash into it.

Now the crash is absolutely inevitable; you are bound to crash with the stone.And then you will be surprised: “1 tried hard.” In fact it is because you triedhard that you reached the stone. And the closer you come, the harder you try toavoid it; but the harder you try to avoid it, the more focused you become onit. It becomes a hypnotic force, it hypnotizes you. It becomes like a magnet.

It is a very fundamental law in life. Many people try avoiding many things andthey fall into the same things. Try to avoid anything with great effort and youare bound to fall into the same pit. You cannot avoid it; that is not the wayto avoid it.

Be relaxed. Don’t try hard, because it is through relaxation that you canbecome aware, not by trying hard. Be calm, quiet, silent.

I will suggest: smoke as much as you want to smoke. It is not a sin in thefirst place. I give you the guarantee — I will be responsible. I take the sinon myself, so if you meet God on Judgment Day you can just tell him that thisfellow is responsible. And I will stand there as a witness for you that you arenot responsible. So don’t be worried about its being a sin. Relax and don’t tryto drop it with effort. No, that is not going to help.

Zen believes in effortless understanding. So this is my suggestion: smoke asmuch as you want to smoke — just smoke meditatively. If Zen people can drinktea meditatively, why can’t you smoke meditatively? In fact, tea contains thesame stimulant as the cigarettes contain; it is the same stimulant, there isnot much difference. Smoke meditatively, very religiously. Make it a ceremony.Try it my way.

Make a small corner in your house just for smoking: a small temple devoted,dedicated to the god of smoking. First bow down to your cigarette packet. Havea little chit-chat, talk to the cigarettes. Inquire, “How are you?” And thenvery slowly take a cigarette out — very slowly, as slowly as you can, becauseonly if you take it very slowly will you be aware. Don’t do it in a mechanicalway, as you always do. Then tap the cigarette on the packet very slowly and foras long as you want. There is no hurry either. Then take the lighter, bow downto the lighter. These are great gods, deities! Light is God, so why not thelighter?

Then start smoking very slowly, just like Vipassana. Don’t do it like a pranayama— quick and fast and deep — but very slowly. Buddha says: Breathe naturally. Soyou smoke naturally: very slow, no hurry. If it is a sin you are in a hurry. Ifit is a sin you want to finish it as soon as possible. If it is a sin you don’twant to look at it. You go on reading the newspaper and you go on smoking. Whowants to look at a sin? But it is not a sin, so watch it — watch each of youracts.

Divide your acts into small fragments so you can move very slowly. And you willbe surprised: by watching your smoking, slowly slowly smoking will become lessand less. And one day suddenly...it is gone. You have not made any effort todrop it; it has dropped of its own accord, because by becoming aware of a deadpattern, a routine, a mechanical habit, you have created, you have released, anew energy of consciousness in you. Only that energy can help you; nothing elsewill ever help.

It is not only so with smoking, it is so with everything else in life: don’ttry too hard to change yourself. That leaves scars. Even if you change, yourchange will remain superficial. And you will find a substitute somewhere; youwill have to find a substitute, otherwise you will feel empty.

When something withers away of its own accord because you have become sosilently aware of the stupidity of it that no effort is needed, when it simplyfalls, just like a dead leaf falling from a tree, it leaves no scar behind andit leaves no ego behind.

If you drop something by effort, it creates great ego. You start thinking, “NowI am a very virtuous man because I don’t smoke.” If you think that smoking is asin, naturally, obviously, if you drop it you will think you are a veryvirtuous man.

That’s how your virtuous men are. Somebody does not smoke, somebody does notdrink, somebody eats only once a day, somebody does not eat in the night,somebody has even stopped drinking water in the night...and they are all greatsaints! These are saintly qualities, great virtues! We have made religion sosilly. It has lost all glory. It has become as stupid as people are. But thewhole thing depends on your attitude: if you think something is a sin, thenyour virtue will be just the opposite of it.

I emphasize: not-smoking is not virtue, smoking is not sin; awareness isvirtue, unawareness is sin. And then the same law is applicable to your wholelife. 

Osho

I hope you enjoyed that enlightening piece of literature :)

I did have one question for the author. Isn't seeking (the desire) to release a habit (even by utilizing the means of conscious awareness to do it) still an effort, still "trying hard to change yourself?"

Hm. It seems that even if it is, it may be a an extremely effective means of change. I truly believe that we cannot simply try and change habits, because they are always the result of deeper roots that often are tangled up in unconscious thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others, and reality. By becoming intimately aware of these beliefs we can begin to ask ourselves, "Is it true?" When we realize that we have been telling ourselves lies all along, and living in illusion, will the habit naturally fall away because the necessity of the mind to keep the illusion in tact falls away.

Ways I plan to use awareness more to manifest greater freedom from habits, especially the ones relating to my relationship with food:

• Notice my thoughts and feelings while eating certain types of food. Do I find myself feeling more virtuous when I eat a certain type of food over another? Do I find myself enabling habits in myself relating to what time of day I should eat a certain food or shouldn't?
• Notice how my body physically feels before, during, and after eating different types of foods. 
• Notice how I feel mentally before, during, and after eating different types of foods
• Notice how I feel emotionally before, during, and after eating different foods
• Notice how I am feeling and what I am thinking about when the urge to eat a certain type of food or binge arises
• Ask myself, and I really hungry right now?
• Notice any thoughts and feelings arising when I look into the mirror
• Continue to ask "Is this true?"
• Blog about my findings

I think it is a common desire among people to want to live a life of freedom and happiness. I have this nagging question, though ..  (is it just my mind self-sabotaging again? ;) even if we successfully release limiting patterns in our lives, will we be any more free, since we are changing events on the "outside" to try and affect how we feel on the "inside," and many a spiritual "guru" has been know to exalt the power of finding unconditional peace and acceptance within, instead of trying to change outside events.

It seems that the way Osho describes going about "changing outer reality" is fundamentally based upon the notion that we must free ourselves by looking for the "roots of the habit" deep within our Selves, so that the habits with naturally and effortlessly reveal themselves simply for what they are: a habitual way of trying to take care of themselves .. there is a phrase for that which I can't remember.. anyone?

Anyways.. Remember this part of the article?

"... my whole concern here is to cut the roots, not to prune the tree.

By pruning the leaves and the branches the tree will become thicker, the foliage will become thicker. You will not destroy the tree; you will be helping it, in fact. If you really want to get out of it you will have to look deeper, not into the symptoms but the roots. Where are the roots?"

We've gotta get deep man. It's time to face the issues instead of turning away from them. Yeah the ego might suffer a few butt-hurt moments when it realizes it has been believing a false belief .. again .. sometimes your entire life ... and you may realize you are not who you think you are .. and you're not. You're probably something way more awesome, vast, wise, and divine.

Maybe. Maybe we're just monkeys who can't relax and be content or whatever ;)

Thanks for reading, everyone! 

If you are interested in this topic, check out this hilarious article on cracked.com about habits .. 5 Ways Your Brain Tricks You Into Sticking With Bad Habitshttp://www.cracked.com/article_20028_5-ways-your-brain-tricks-you-into-sticking-with-bad-habits.html

Is there a perspective you can choose about yourself today that is positive, even though you may recognize things in your life that you may want to change? Can you see your habits in a positive light, even finding gratitude for them in some way? How have the habits of your past or present, or ones you have released already changed your view of reality? Have you gained any understanding, wisdom, or compassion for yourself and others through these experiences?
Love, Growth, and Freedom
Sofie K


P.S. I am not convinced that there are no such things as good habits, and am making a metal note to explore this concept further at a later time.

What do you think? Are there good habits, or are all habits detrimental? What do you think about the content and ideas touched on throughout this post?

Leave a comment, let's start a conversation!

Osho on Possessiveness and Love

This quote spoke fiercely to me - it resonates somewhere deep inside. Love is a gift to be received moment to moment. 

"Osho: There is nothing worse than this that you can do, that you are capable of: reducing a being to a thing. And that's what possession is. 

Only things can be possessed; beings cannot be possessed. 
You 

can have a communion with a being.
You can share your love, your poetry, your beauty, your body, your mind.
You can share but you cannot do business.
You cannot bargain.
You cannot possess a man or a woman.
But everybody is trying to do that all over the earth.

The result is this madhouse we call the planet earth. You try to possess -- it is naturally impossible, it cannot happen in the very nature of things. Then there is misery. The more you try to possess a person, the more that person tries to become independent of you, because every person has a birthright to be free, to be himself or herself. You are trespassing on the privacy of the person, which is the only sacred place in the whole world. Neither Israel is sacred, nor is Kashi sacred, nor is Mecca sacred.

The only sacred space in the true sense is the privacy of a person -- his or her independence, the beinghood. If you love a person you will never trespass. You will never try to be a detective, to be a Peeping Tom, peeping into the privacy of the other person. You will respect the privacy of the other person. But just look at the so called lovers -- husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. All they are doing, around the clock, is finding ways to trespass, to enter into the private world of the other person.

They don't want the other person to have any privacy. Why? If the person has independence, privacy, individuality, they are afraid. The person tomorrow may not love them -- because love is not something stagnant. It is a moment, it is nothing to do with permanency. It may continue for eternity, but basically love is a phenomenon of the moment. If it happens again in the next moment you are blessed. If it does not happen you should be thankful that at least it did happen before.

Remain open: perhaps it may happen again -- if not with this person, then with another person. The question is not persons, the question is of love. Love should remain flowing, it should not be stopped. But in their stupidity people start thinking, "If this person goes out of my hands then I am going to starve my whole life without love." And he does not know that by trying to hold this person permanently in his captivity, he will starve. He will not get love. You cannot get love from a slave.

You cannot get love from your possessions; from your chair, table, house, your furniture, you cannot get love. You can get love only from a free agent whose uniqueness is respected by you, whose freedom is respected by you. It is out of the freedom of the other that this moment of love has happened. Don't destroy it by trying to possess, by trying to hold, by creating a legal bondage, a marriage. Let the other be free, and remain free yourself. Don't let anybody else possess you either. To possess or to be possessed, both are ugly.

If you are possessed you lose your very soul. Lovers love only while they are not yet in a fixed relationship. As the relationship settles, love disappears. Once the relationship is fixed, instead of love, something else takes place: possessiveness. They still go on calling it love, but you cannot deceive existence. Just by calling it love you cannot change anything. It is now hate, not love. It is fear, not love. It is adjustment, not love. It is compromise, not love. It can be anything -- but not love.

The deeper you try to understand, the more it will become clear to you that love and hate are not two things. It is just a linguistic mistake to call them love and hate. In the future, at least in psychological treatises and books, they will not be using "and" between the two. In fact it is better to make one word, "lovehate." They are two sides of the same coin."

Breathing Space: Discovery Exercise 1 of 12

I am embarking on a breath-work journey for positive personal transformation, inspired by a book I recently picked up at the library: Breathing Space by Katrina Repka and Alan Finger. My main intentions for doing breath-work are: to increase my sense of peace and well-being, learn more about my self and what I am going through (specifically in the areas related to food, eating, body-image, self-worth, and self-esteem), increase oxygen in my body, pain relief (sore muscles from exercise), and to observe my mind and ego at work.

Please join me on this journey of self-discovery through breath work if you are intrigued; there are so many benefits !

Here are 18 benefits of breathing exercises (from onepowerfulword.com) :
If you are already convinced, scroll past these to get to the exercise!

1. Breathing detoxifies and releases toxins
2. Releases tension
3. Relaxes the mind/body and brings clarity
4. Relieves Emotional Stress

5. Relieves Pain
6. Massages your organs
    The movement of the diaphragm during the deep breathing exercises massages the stomach, small intestine, liver, and pancreas. The upper movement of the diaphragm also massages the heart. When you inhale air your diaphragm descends and your abdomen will expand. By this action you massage vital organs and improve circulation in them. Controlled breathing also strengthens and tones your abdominal muscles. 
7. Breathing increases muscle
8. Strengthens the immune system
9. Deep breathing improves posture (and visa versa!)
10. Improves quality of the blood
11. Increases digestion and assimilation of food
12. Improves the nervous system
13. Strengthens the lungs
14. Makes the heart stronger.
15. Assists in weight control
16. Boosts energy levels and improves stamina
17. Improves cellular regeneration
18. Elevates moods and combats physical pain

Breath Focus 1: DISCOVERY
"If you practice this exercise every day for two weeks, you will soon be more aware of your breathing patterns. You will find that they may change according to the time of day and your emotional state. The exercise can be done whenever you like: try experimenting with it at different times of the day. By studying the breath, you will learn to identify when you breathing is not working to your best advantage. This self-study (svadyaya in Sanskrit) is the essence of the yogic practice; through svadyaya you can begin to identify the patterns and tendencies that are keeping you bound up inside, and find the freedom that is yoga. As you practice with the breath, you will experience changes particular to you: they might be subtle at first, and you may not notice them immediately, but the more you practice, the more control you will gain over your breathing - and eventually over your life. The breath is a powerful tool. If you have not worked with it before, be prepared to experience some unusual side effects: as the breath moves inside you for the first few times, you may become emotional. Or you may simply fall asleep. Your body is responding. Big changes are coming. The journey is just beginning."

Because I love you so much ;) I have recorded the exercise so that you may simply play it back, listen to me giving the instructions, relax, and enjoy! If you prefer to read along, I have also typed out the instructions below.

(Almost all breathing techniques in yoga are done through the nose. If you are stuffed up, you can do this exercise with your mouth slightly open.)

Copy & Paste this link to listen to this exercise: http://soundcloud.com/sofiakovalenko/breath-exercise-1-discovery

Time: 10-15 minutes
Props: (optional) Bolster, Pillow, Eye Pillow

1. Find a quiet place, free from distraction. 

2. Lie down on your back. If your lower back feels sensitive, bend your knees (you can place them over a bolster or pillow, if you have one handy.) 

3. Close your eyes, and if you like, place and eye pad over them.

4. Start to breathe in and out through your nose, becoming aware of your breath. Without judging it in any way, notice how the breath moves in your body. Where does it begin and end? Is it fast or slow? What pattern does it make as it enters and leaves?

5. Notice the composition of your breath. Is it smooth and even? Short and choppy? Deep or shallow? Hard or soft? When you inhale, does your torso expand or contract? What happens when you exhale?

6. If you become aware at any point that your mind has wandered, gently draw your attention back to the breath.

7.  Now place one hand on your belly, and one hand on your chest. Bring your awareness to your chest. Do you feel your breath expanding both your chest and upper back as you breathe in? Do your ribs also flare out to the sides? Are there any areas where your breath is unable to move freely?

8. Bring your awareness to your belly. As you breathe in, do you feel the front of your belly lifting? Do you feel the breath causing movement in your lower back? What about your pelvic floor: can you feel it moving with your breath?

9. Are there any other descriptions of your breath that come to mind? Feel free to be creative.

10. Take a few minutes to continue your exploration, then slowly and gently roll to one side and come back up to a seated position.

In-JOY!


Personally, I plan to do this exercise 3 times a day for the next 2 weeks: once upon waking, once mid-day, and once right before bed. I will update the blog about any insights, revelations, and realizations I have and I encourage you to do the same in a journal, a blog, or just consciously think about what experiences you have during these first few weeks of Discovery.

For even more inspiration and mind-body-heart integration, go ahead and to do this yoga podcast, seriously, it is worth it! 

http://friendlyuniverseyoga.com/wp-content/uploads/HolyHips.mp3
For more amazing podcasts, visit www.friendlyuniverseyoga.com

Then, watch this amazing TEDx talk by yoga teacher Shannon Paige:

Love, peace, and awareness,

Sofie K.

make-up free living :)

Earlier this summer I made the decision to throw away all my make up. I hardly wore it anyways this past year, but to completely throw it all away was still a pretty big step for me. Although they where few and far between, there where still days when I whipped out the mascara or liquid liner in moments of insecurity.

To see all my make-up in the trash was both liberating and frightening. I was symbolically vowing to take even more effort to accept myself exactly the way I am, even if I have learned to like the way I look with "thicker, fuller lashes ;)" I was anticipating that it would be difficult to have absolutely no crutch to lean on, though, but made a promise to work through any moments when I felt I needed to wear make-up. I knew I would be stronger for it.

Well guess what. I haven't had any moments like that. Of course some days my self esteem has been higher than others, but over all I feel like my confidence is steadily increasing daily. Why? Because I have been learning to accept and love myself for exactly who I am and want to be, instead of what I think others want me to be like. (Notice that I said "what I think others want me to be like" instead of "what others want me to be like." What we think others want from us is (much of the time) just projections from our own minds that are extremely telling of how we believe we should be like, and has nothing to do with what the others want from us at all. The people in your life who truly love you could not care less if you are wearing make-up, a burlap sack or a banana suit ;))) (Although they may worry that you will freeze your ass off parading around in a burlap sack.) I digress.

 I haven't missed the make-up at all.

The thing about make-up is (I never used to leave the house without it), when you wear it every day you get used to seeing your face with make-up on only, and you become disconnected from the face behind the make-up. It is a stranger, unfamiliar, and we often forget that in its simplicity and purity, it too is beautiful. The lips still sing sweetly without firetruck red lipstick, the cheeks still blush when you see the one you love, and the eyes shine and radiate affection, understanding, and honesty, never missing that pound of eye liner and shadow.

If you choose to be a television watcher, a magazine reader, or a driver on any interstate planted with billboards, you are constantly being bombarded with make-uped, photoshopped, edited images of women among whom there are hardly (if ever) any examples of natural beauty. And yes, they are beautiful too, but they are not real.  I could go on and on about how much cosmetics and other body altering companies profit by manipulating you to feel like you are not good enough, naturally, but at the end of the day it is you who must decide for yourself that you do not need to change yourself in any way to be accepted more by others, and most importantly to accept and love yourself. 

There I have done it. I am placing the responsibility back on us to begin loving ourselves raw and un-altered. You don't look better with make-up on, you just look more like every other girl on the streets and in the media. You, unchanged, are unique, and I hope someday you will know it, believe it, and own it, like I am very much beginning to do.

I love you for exactly what you are and am wishing for you the best day ever! Today, and the next day and the next day and the next day after that.

Finally, I would like to give a public thanks to my Mom, who hardly ever wears make-up and is constantly (although I rarely tell her this) inspiring me to be stronger by being a consistent example of an empowered woman with high self esteem. Thanks Mama!

With love, care, and empathy,
Sofie K.

P.S. It is awesome to take no time at all to get ready in the morning and feel good about how you look too!


P.P.S. Not ready to completely ditch the make-up, but want to start making steps to empower yourself and begin to be comfortable in your skin? Start participating in Makeup-Less Mondays, where once a week you commit to wearing no makeup at all, all day long. It's kindof a thing, Google it ;) Much love to you sisters! (and brothers!)

"To be beautiful is to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others.
You need to accept yourself."

The Warrior Goddess

My dear friend L shared this painting on facebook today.

It is so amazing!

I love that the woman in this photo is fierce, daring, courageous, and proud. She looks like she just climbed a mountain and is basking in the bliss of "I can do ANYTHING!"

Another thing I especially love about this photo is her body - she is so beautiful and obviously strong and fit, yet she looks completely different than what most images in my mind and popular culture tell me "healthy" looks like.

She is beautiful and knows it. Maybe she doesn't even give any thoughts or meaning to being beautiful at all.

I've been feeling really good the past week.

I have been going on (almost) daily walks with Shadow, and have even worked out once and went to the outdoor Solaris yoga sesh.

I have been cooking for myself, and eating more salad. Actually, I have been including salad every day and have discovered am YUM-amazing Kale salad recipe :) which I will share soon.

I am also trying not to deny the things that I like, like sweets occasionally and fatty foods. (I've been eating at least 1/2 an avocado a day - and feeling really good! )

So I haven't had any real cravings for "junk food" yet so that will be interesting to experience when that does come up ...

The other day, though, my friend offered my some Chex Mix and guess what? I ate some, enjoyed it, and didn't feel bad about it :) It was a serious break through for me :) :) :)

I also made myself popcorn when I was craving something to munch on that was a bit salty; it was so good and reminded me of the popcorn nights with the ladies in Hawaii .

So anyways. Here I am. Just trying to be myself, love myself, accept myself, and be an f-ing WARRIOR GODDESS. Yep.

Love and Peace and Acceptance

Sofie

More Distractions

I had some people close to me visit recently and the truth came out. A truth I hide from so many people, and from myself as often as I can.

I am still very much in the deep muck of addiction. I am still so very insecure. I spend most of my time alone, on the internet, or sleeping, or eating food.

My visitors' solution? I need more distractions. More movies, more time with friends, more work, more this more that. They say "these are not distractions, this is life!" I don't see it that way.

I use food to distract myself from my insecurities - from the anger, guilt, shame, sadness, loneliness, and blame that I still very much hold (and hide) inside myself - and am working (slowly) to let go of. I don't think I need another distraction to distract myself from distraction.

I am content though - I am content going through this journey as slowly as it is taking me to learn the lessons that I need to learn. And I am not sorry that I am different and that I don't feel like I fit in with "most" people. I am not sorry that I am taking the time I need (alone) to find the courage to face my fears - something I need to face about my-self first.

I realized how much blame I still hold for my those close to me for what I am experiencing. In reality, I KNOW blame is use-less and that I am responsible for my own thoughts, actions, feelings, and especially re-actions that affect others, but only last week did I realize how strongly other people's actions and words still very much trigger the insecurities that I still buy into. It was a very good lesson to see the beliefs that I am still very much invested in and how much stress believing these beliefs causes me.

"I am not good enough" is the main one.

I am good enough though - and I don't have to fit into anyone else's mold of what "good enough" is to know that about myself - every single second of life.

Gosh, this ego is a trip eh? All it wants is to feel like its good enough, like it has purpose.

Ego, why do you need to be accepted? Why do you desire to be loved? To be good enough? Why do you crave purpose in life? Contribution to others? Why do you believe yourself to be so important, anyways?

Ego is the "self" - it is the lens through which we experience this life - and for now, I am accepting this as my reality. But I am seeing an insecure, wounded ego that I have built up over many years, one that seems to work against me more than for my well-being. Of course, that could also be simply an illusion because after all, I only think I know what is best for me most of the time.

And so with that thought, it seems this post has come full circle as I admit that I do not always know what is best for me, and so (some) distractions may be of actual benefit during this transition from an ego that I see as having been "asleep and unconscious" to an ego that is mindful and aware.

Although I still totally indulge in distractions such as movies, television shows, and internet (all over the internet) .. I really feel a need and desire to choose distractions that are not rooted in popular culture, not because I am seeking to be different and unique from popular culture, but because I simply do not find the role models, inspirations, and positive messages that speak to my heart (most of the time) in popular culture. Most of the time when I watch tv shows or even movies, I am deeply triggered into insecurity. Wanting to be thin and beautiful like the people I see on the screen, wanting to be a better dancer, better this better that.

Interesting to note this as well though, as it is interesting and very revealing to myself about the sub-conscious belief systems I am still holding on to while watching these triggers affect me in such a way.

I would like to feel more of a balance between distractions and mindfulness though, because as of now, my life is pretty much 90% distraction. When I am outside walking with Shadow or giving massage, or listening to someone speak something real about their experience (how they are really feeling, etc.), or writing about how I feel  or think,  I find that I can be the most mindful.

This is what just came up in my mind.

Love and Peace Always!
Sofie

Meditation

Meditated for 10 minutes yesterday and immediately felt a sense of clarity and peace. I began reading the book on meditation that I have, and my focus has been so much better than it has been lately when trying to read.

The book is really well written too, which helps.

During meditation I wasn't trying to clear my mind of all thoughts - instead I was just focusing on watching the mind as thoughts arose, trying not to engage with the thoughts.

I forgot my computer charger at Starbucks yesterday, and what a blessing that turned out to be! Before I even thought about using the internet, I spent some time cleaning up the house. By the time I was ready to veg out, I realized that I was missing the charger. It was funny to watch the mind re-act (almost in a panic) realizing that I wouldn't be able to use the internet ALL NIGHT. Man, I really am addicted ;) I had it all planned out already, I was going to make a big bowl of rice and sit down and waste time on the internet while binge eating. After I realized I couldn't use my computer, the craving for the food dissapeared almost completely as well. (I wasn't actually hungry - I just wanted to eat.) Interesting how these two things are so related for me.

Then I went to my room, layed down, and meditated. Victory!

(I read an article by a spiritual teacher that advised to repeat the mantra "Victory" when faced with difficulties.)

....

My parents come to town today - super excited to see them.

Beliefs

I find it so interesting how beliefs about reality literally seem to shape reality.

If people believe in God, they literally experience God and even have a "personal relationship" with God. I do not believe that these people are lying when they claim these things about their reality.

If people believe that people are stupid, they will literally find themselves surrounded by examples all the time that seem to prove their belief.

The people who believe that people are all innately good, though, seem to find only evidence of the goodness of people.

The mind is such a powerful and mysterious thing. But can we trust it at all?

Can we trust anything at all to be real or truth when we can perceive it only through our minds? Can we perceive only through our minds?

Maybe it's not even important to find "truth" but to invest in beliefs that have proven to have positive results. Such as compassion and love.

Do I think too much? Maybe. It's fun for me though :)

Sofie K

Pain and Pleasure

I have been watching "Ask a Monk" on YouTube; it is entertaining at least, and enlightening for sure.

I've been thinking about attachment relating to both pain and pleasure. It seems as if in Buddhism, neither pain nor pleasure are judged, in the sense that neither is "good or bad."

From watching these videos and also contemplating the philosophies being taught, I can understand more clearly (although purely intellectually at this point) what the Buddhists mean when they say that attachment causes suffering.

"There is no happiness that comes from clinging. Attachment is a sort of stress, it's something that brings the mind out of its state of peace and happiness. If you engage in attachment, addiction, wanting, desire, and so on, you're only going to become more and more miserable when you compartmentalize reality into "good" and "bad" and therefore don't get always what you want because you have wants. If you're able to accept reality for what it is it's not a question of whether its pleasure or pain at all, you're able to live in harmony with the world around you. In harmony with reality as it is. Accepting change, accepting the good and bad, not giving labels to things as "good" or "bad" at all." -yuttadhammo in his YouTube Video "Giving Up Pleasure."

When we judge pleasure as "good," we become attached to pleasure, crave pleasure, and continually seek pleasure, taking us out of the "now," the present moment, causing suffering. As well as taking us out of the present moment, we suffer when we no longer find pleasure in what originally caused us pleasure. When we consistently seek pleasure to avoid pain or difficult emotions, this may evolve into an addiction, again, causing suffering.

When we judge pain as "bad," and become attached to this point of view, we attempt to avoid pain (maybe by seeking pleasure), and when we find that pain is unavoidable, we suffer. The "pleasure" that we consistently use to avoid pain may begin to cause us suffering itself, as we see in the case of addictions (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, food, video-games, television, socializing, etc.) when a certain substance is used to either numb an emotion, or superficially induce one.

My question to Buddhists is, have you judged suffering as "bad," and if not, why do you wish to eliminate it?

It seems to me that suffering is simply another experience to be had, and with that point of view, what makes it "better" or "worse" than pain or pleasure?

If pain is not inherently "bad" and pleasure is not inherently "good", what is suffering? yuttadhammo states that it is not necessary to avoid pleasure nor pain, but to cease suffering. Why is ceasing suffering then, so important?

And are you not "attached" to the idea of Nirvana, and to cease suffering, when you base your whole life around Buddhist practice and meditation, like some people dedicate much of their time to exercise and eating healthy because of their "attachment" to the upkeep of a healthy body?


Also, isn't always seeking the "truth" and to "see reality as it really is" a sort of attachment also?

Thanks for reading
Peace and Respect
Sofie K.

Buddhist Monk Speaks About Addiction

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5Lg9P-VekA&feature=relmfu


A beautiful video about addictions, specifically pornography and masturbation, but it relates to all addictions too. Interesting to hear different perspectives :)

Peace & Harmony,
Sofie K

I Know What I Want

There has been a certain question plaguing my life lately. What do I want out of life? What do I want right now? What do I want in the near future? Do I want to stay in Vail, do I want to go somewhere else?

My mind can easily get lost in racing thoughts of all the possibilities there are to experience in life, and the anxiety that comes with these thoughts is literally like a plague, removing me from the present moment while I get lost in daydreams of potential future outcomes.

But it is not a physical destination I am seeking, rather, a mental, emotional, and physical place that I theoretically and philosophically know is available to me at any moment, although I hardly ever choose to experience it "just because I can."

So rather than dream about a place to escape to, where I believe all my struggles will magically disappear, I am going to stay put, here in Vail (or possibly living with my friend Julie in Gypsum, for more of a sense of community, support, and to save on rent this winter,) and practice being where I know I want to be, here. (Gypsum is in Eagle County so I don't really consider it leaving, since I will keep my same job and same relative location.)

So what do I know I want? And how can I achieve those things here and now?

Self- Love and Self- Acceptance. Being my self instead of looking at others and wishing I had their life, their friends, their body, their whatever! Loving my own personal journey, including the happy, the difficult, and the "wretched" times I encounter.

Peace. To find peace, tranquility, and calm in times of busy-ness (especially at work), self-doubt, and anxiety. To take moments to breathe, and realize that "right here in this moment, I am OK."

Gratitude. Finding things daily to be grateful for.

Adventure. Excitement! Fun! Experiencing new ideas, new people, and new places. There are plenty of places close to home that I haven't ever been to, yet I dream about going somewhere totally new. There are so many things to do here: bike, raft, hike, swim, snowboard, walk, run, camp, but I hardly do any of them because I allow my negative thoughts to rule my life!

A Healthy Body. Feeling awesome in my body by getting daily exercise and eating well all the time! Feeling strong and flexible, nimble and fast!

Friendship. To connect with people I love through sharing time, space, ideas, laughter, fun, smiles, adventures, and joy!

Spirituality. Connecting with my higher self and Source daily!

Family. Staying connected with my family through resources like Skype! And visiting them, of course. (A trip is in order!)

Alternative-minded Ideas. Homemade, DIY, raw food, natural hygiene, using less money, eco transportation (biking and hitch-hiking), gardening, loving unconditionally.

Tomorrow I plan to begin my internet cleanse. What does that mean? Spending time on the internet for only UP TO an hour a day, but hopefully less. I will go online only to blog, check e-mail, and my work schedule.

I also am implementing a daily meditation ritual - starting with 10 minutes a day. 10 minutes to start each day, first thing in the morning, simply sitting and observing my breath and state of being. I am not going to try and eliminate thoughts, rather, to practice mindfulness and observing thoughts (hopefully without engaging them) as they arise, and practice watching them with non-attachment.

Exciting!

I am pretty scatter brained right now. I need some serious detox in my life.

Peace and loving life,
Sofie K

Collective Evolution II: The Human Experience

Collective Evolution II : The Human Experience

Beautiful Video :)

Talks about some "different" topics, including Sun-gazing (using the Sun for food energy), as well as a different (but not unique!) Creation story. If these topics do not interest you, watch it anyways. There is a massive amount of useful information in this film about why you are not your thoughts, your emotions, or your social programming, why it is key for the "control mechanism" that you continue to buy into certain concepts about reality, and why it is important that you free you mind!

 Enjoy!

Love & Peace
Sofie K.

I Don't Want to be a Christian !

I have a problem with religion and labels in general.

Something, especially, about being a "Christian" definitely invokes certain negative belief systems to spring forward into my conscious thought.

Thoughts of families in the suburbs going to church on Sundays, living out of nature and and going to public schools. (LOL -- what does the latter even have to DO with Christianity?)

People following blind faith, and following certain "laws" just because they are of a certain faith. (Abstaining from sex until married, marriage in general, following Jesus as their personal "savior.")

Christians in my mind are totally "uncool." (This belief system is garbage - throwing it away .. now.)

The thing is, I have felt the presence of a Creator God many times, often in an altered state of consciousness, when some would say I had more "awareness" or more of an "open mind." It just seems like it is in my nature to question EVERYTHING, which my friend Chris told me yesterday was actually one of the things God asks us to do. That in the Bible, it is recorded that God himself calls blind faith foolish (obviously paraphrasing here) and we should question everything and come to answers for ourselves, not be spoon fed dogma.

I have a lot of questions about religions and God.

For example, establishing a religion (read: cultural operating system) based on unquestionable laws determined by an all-powerful Source seems like a really easy way to establish total power and control over people. (Although I admit - I would have to read the Bible to get to know what EXACTLY is being asked of humans from God, according to the the "Holy Book.")

The psychological (Freudian) perspective is that humans created God (the Creator of the Universe) to serve as a "father figure" that we seem to lack. (As my friend Julie once put it - Freud determined that everyone has Daddy issues .. hehe!) Other psychological perspectives for the existence of God in human minds state that humans are attempting to answer questions about our origin, life purpose, and morality.

It is interesting to view all these desires from an ego-based perspective too.

Origin - Our ego wants to know where we came from because let's be honest, our ego wants to know everything. And this is, kindof a big thing. No one can explain the origins of life, and especially not the origins of consciousness, awareness, and thoughts (the observer behind the veil).

Can we figure this out without believing in God? Maybe - we just haven't yet.

Life Purpose - Our ego wants to be needed, and so telling ourselves that we are here because "God has a plan for us" or "we are here to serve God" satisfies that need. Some atheist suicidal people claim "if life has no meaning, why should I go on living?"

Can we have a life purpose without believing in God? Sometimes it can be hard to decide if you do not know if you believe in God, because if you do, your life purpose might be way different than if you don't. But, if you decide that you don't believe in God (or you don't believe that he/she/it determines your life purpose) then you get to decide your life purpose, allow it to unfold organically, or decide not to have a life purpose at all and see what each day brings. Seems fun that way!

Morality - Our ego can sometimes get lost in not knowing what is "good and bad" and so having some "higher power" tell us what is right or wrong seems easy.

Can we figure out right and wrong without God's help? Sure - we all have human feelings and emotions and the ability to feel "empathy" for others, so the notion of "treating others as you would like to be treated" seems like common sense. Even if we cannot experience being someone else (sometimes you can - in altered states of consciousness, but I digress,) we can definitely imagine what it  is like to be someone else, or go through whatever they are experiencing and decide if we would want to be "in their shoes."

There are so many interpretations of what or who God is, and they all think that they are correct.

What "bothers" me about the personal, Christian God who answers to prayers and performs miracles through people and things is that he seems to fulfill many desires of the human ego, and so in my mind, it would be very easy to create such an entity. Also, for a long time now, I have subscribed to the notion "that we have everything we need inside of us already - answers to all our questions and access to all knowledge in the database of the universe" so looking to God for "help" or "answers" seems like another way to look to the "external world" for help. (Some people believe that because God created us in his likeness he gave us this ability also and so being self-sufficient in this manner does not necessarily disprove God.) Also, I am afraid of being wrong and wasting time believing in something to later find out it wasn't even real in the first place. (Because I have spent a good portion of my life already believing beliefs that weren't the "truth")

I DO believe that different religions, Christianity (and the Bible) totally being included in that list, hold a great amount of wisdom and knowledge about our planet and human beings, so I am not saying that it is all useless.

One of the more interesting facts that the Bible talks about is "humans' abilities to change reality with their thoughts" which is now being talked about in the New Age movement, quantum mechanics (and quantum physics), in the yoga and meditation traditions, and from self-help advocates everywhere.

I am totally not opposed in reading the Bible, especially a version that has modern language and word connotations in mind - I am actually very interested in what this (very old) book has to say about reality.

I am also weary of anyone that has it "figured out" because really? Really? The mind is super great at convincing ourselves that we have something "figured out" and that what we believe is the "truth." That's kind of the nature of holding a belief - believing that it is true. But as you probably see within yourself over the years, our beliefs (usually) change, or we cling to them with all our might, fearful of what letting go of a belief system will say about "who we are" and "who we will become" without it. Identity is a trip, y'all.

I love a quote that I have hanging in my bathroom which states - "The spiritual path is not about not having beliefs, but in holding them loosely. If we cling to a belief we are stuck - if we hold it loosely we can go with the flow." (The whole quote is about how limited our individual human perspectives are relative to "reality" - which is also a belief because no one has ever been able to describe the "true nature of reality.")

So for now I remain a religious skeptic, although when I look around at the world I see in front of my eyes and senses, and think about the complexity of sub-atomic particles, our body, or the universe, it really does look like it was beautifully and lovingly designed by some kind of grand Creator. (I do not believe that Creation and Evolution are exclusive, by the way.)

Is God a man in the sky, sitting on a bejeweled throne though ? -  well, I obviously have some doubts about that one.

I have inserted an amazing video that really speaks to my heart and soul and raises the vibration of my being... please watch :) 

Thanks for reading!
With love and gratitude for this human experience,
Sofie K.

Beautiful Conversations

"I don't know where I'm going - but I'm on my way."

First of all - listen to this!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwrel&v=WgyM2QbvRrk&NR=1


Today I went into Starbucks to see if I could find Julie so she could give me a ride home ...

Julie was not there, and Chris offered to drive me. What happened was we stayed at the store until 10:30 talking about God. It was so beautiful, magical, and inspiring.

The fact is, I feel like life is so much clearer, easier, and filled with more purpose when I have a personal relationship with the Creator, which I have been cultivating more and more recently. (Although I am still sometimes filled with doubts.)

Right now I am not filled with any doubts. I LOVE God, and I know that God loves me.

I also feel like I am exactly where I should be and am not going to try to force any decisions on where I should go from here on to myself. Right now the future is uncertain (isn't it always?) and I am OK with that. I have really been loving my job and opportunities have been opening left and right.

Visit www.thewoodstockfruitfestival.com for info on this event!

I didn't think I was going to make it to the Woodstock Fruit Festival, but now I am deciding to try and go. I have posted a list of dates at work about shifts that I need covered to make that trip, and once people have covered my shifts, I will purchase a plane ticket from Denver to Albany International, from which I will take the offered ride service to the festival (with my massage table)! My intention for attending the Fruit Festival is to have a beautiful cleanse of the body, while meeting and learning a lot from people involved in getting healthy and fit, and also to bring the experience of massage therapy to the festival and help people who are not familiar with massage learn how it can be a valuable tool for their health and fitness (and especially during detox!)

I also have discovered another amazing opportunity - September 9 - 20 there is a free 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat being offered in Elbert, CO. It is a silent retreat, and the website describes Vipassana meditation as "finding awareness of what is." I would really like to participate in this experience, and have applied for the retreat ! I love that it is free, with food and accommodations included, and I hope to donate some money to the organization if I feel like it is helpful and useful. My intention for going on this retreat will be to get a better understanding of the underlying thoughts and belief patterns that seem programmed into my mind and to help let some of them go that are no longer useful.

I am working on actively being of service to humanity while being guided by divine inspiration to lead a life of purpose for myself and those around me.

Trusting and letting go of the outcome.

Knowing that the Creator's plan is infinitely more beautiful than I could ever imagine from my self-centered egoic perspective.

Jump! And the net will appear :)


Infinite Love and Freedom!
Sofie K.