make-up free living :)

Earlier this summer I made the decision to throw away all my make up. I hardly wore it anyways this past year, but to completely throw it all away was still a pretty big step for me. Although they where few and far between, there where still days when I whipped out the mascara or liquid liner in moments of insecurity.

To see all my make-up in the trash was both liberating and frightening. I was symbolically vowing to take even more effort to accept myself exactly the way I am, even if I have learned to like the way I look with "thicker, fuller lashes ;)" I was anticipating that it would be difficult to have absolutely no crutch to lean on, though, but made a promise to work through any moments when I felt I needed to wear make-up. I knew I would be stronger for it.

Well guess what. I haven't had any moments like that. Of course some days my self esteem has been higher than others, but over all I feel like my confidence is steadily increasing daily. Why? Because I have been learning to accept and love myself for exactly who I am and want to be, instead of what I think others want me to be like. (Notice that I said "what I think others want me to be like" instead of "what others want me to be like." What we think others want from us is (much of the time) just projections from our own minds that are extremely telling of how we believe we should be like, and has nothing to do with what the others want from us at all. The people in your life who truly love you could not care less if you are wearing make-up, a burlap sack or a banana suit ;))) (Although they may worry that you will freeze your ass off parading around in a burlap sack.) I digress.

 I haven't missed the make-up at all.

The thing about make-up is (I never used to leave the house without it), when you wear it every day you get used to seeing your face with make-up on only, and you become disconnected from the face behind the make-up. It is a stranger, unfamiliar, and we often forget that in its simplicity and purity, it too is beautiful. The lips still sing sweetly without firetruck red lipstick, the cheeks still blush when you see the one you love, and the eyes shine and radiate affection, understanding, and honesty, never missing that pound of eye liner and shadow.

If you choose to be a television watcher, a magazine reader, or a driver on any interstate planted with billboards, you are constantly being bombarded with make-uped, photoshopped, edited images of women among whom there are hardly (if ever) any examples of natural beauty. And yes, they are beautiful too, but they are not real.  I could go on and on about how much cosmetics and other body altering companies profit by manipulating you to feel like you are not good enough, naturally, but at the end of the day it is you who must decide for yourself that you do not need to change yourself in any way to be accepted more by others, and most importantly to accept and love yourself. 

There I have done it. I am placing the responsibility back on us to begin loving ourselves raw and un-altered. You don't look better with make-up on, you just look more like every other girl on the streets and in the media. You, unchanged, are unique, and I hope someday you will know it, believe it, and own it, like I am very much beginning to do.

I love you for exactly what you are and am wishing for you the best day ever! Today, and the next day and the next day and the next day after that.

Finally, I would like to give a public thanks to my Mom, who hardly ever wears make-up and is constantly (although I rarely tell her this) inspiring me to be stronger by being a consistent example of an empowered woman with high self esteem. Thanks Mama!

With love, care, and empathy,
Sofie K.

P.S. It is awesome to take no time at all to get ready in the morning and feel good about how you look too!


P.P.S. Not ready to completely ditch the make-up, but want to start making steps to empower yourself and begin to be comfortable in your skin? Start participating in Makeup-Less Mondays, where once a week you commit to wearing no makeup at all, all day long. It's kindof a thing, Google it ;) Much love to you sisters! (and brothers!)

"To be beautiful is to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others.
You need to accept yourself."

Lots of Thoughts

During my time in Hawaii, I had access to the internet only when I borrowed friends' laptops. (rarely.)

It was amazing !

I actively participated in life SO much more. AND when I wasn't participating, I had one less distraction (the internet) to keep me distracted from what I was attempting to contemplate, work through, or let go of. Or from simple silence. (Trust me though - I have a complete arsenal of mind-numbing distractions at my disposal .. which I am .. slowly .. clearing out also.)

I would consider these things more like addictions - and internet definitely falls into that category.

What I see currently showing up in my life:

Consistent over-eating, especially of unhealthy foods. Thought-less, mind-less eating while Im on the internet  or seeking a feeling or sensation from food.

Spending 6 + hours a day on the internet. Yeah. Doing what? Facebook, YouTube, some constructive mind-expanding, thought-provoking stuff, but also a lot of mindless mindlessness.

Being ok with what I am doing, and not releasing the "second arrow" into myself which Is the blame, self-hate, and anger that sometimes comes with bringing awareness to addictions or "negative behavior patterns."

I am just noticing that I am doing it, acknowledging that it is not in my "best" interest for the long-term, but also thinking that maybe because I am still doing these things that there is something to be learned from these experiences.

With food - what it seems like I should really focus on is feeling good vs. looking good. I know there is NOTHING wrong with looking good, but when it becomes an obsessive thought pattern and ALL of my thoughts become dominated by my self-image (how I perceive people are viewing/experiencing me) it is so unhealthy for my mind.

In general, I notice my thoughts becoming less and less about how I believe other people view me. I still catch myself thinking this sometimes, but can usually quickly realize what I am doing and eliminate these thoughts from my mind.

I saw a quote yesterday that said "You will stop worrying so much about what other people think about you once you realize how rarely they actually do."

Seems true. We are so "I" and "self" obsessed. At least I am. I mean, I don't really know how not to be. This whole life experience has been "my" experience. It's the only one I know. But sometimes I forget that we all share this world, and that people are not just in "my" world. (Although some theorists and explorers of consciousness do propose the idea that we cannot ACTUALLY prove any one else's conscious awareness beyond our own..but thinking like that ... seems like a justification of the ego to simply do as one wishes and disregard everyone else's well-being.) I DONT KNOW :)

The point of that was, that EVERYONE is living in their own perceived reality.

We have not yet transcended the "self" ( the "ego") as the observer, player, and experience-er of this human existence. And who even knows if we are supposed to.

The part of me that says "it is all as it should be" says - of course we are not supposed to, or else we would have already. All is as it should be, and if you are having this "self" egoic human experience, full of struggles, worries, joys, and moments of bliss then it is how the Creator (if there is one) intended it to be (at least in this moment in Time & Space).

But THAT kind of thinking gets me into another hole because then I say -

Well if everything is always as it should be then why bother to change anything? Why not just change our minds to accept and find joy in whatever situation is presented to us instead of constantly trying to force experiences (of what we think we are going to experience) by embarking to seek change.

So this is maybe "being" vs. "doing"

But are we meant to just "be" ? And then what would we experience?

The miracle of the breath, of pure life force pulsating through our bodies?

But at some point we need to eat right? So we go out and look for food, and immediately we are "doing."

So maybe there is a balance between simply "being" - observing what is (in the surroundings and the own mind), non-reactionary, and non-thinking. Non problem solving. Non fixing, non-doing.

And then there is the doing.

I feel like I need to re-learn how to do both of these things. Because I do not remember how to simply "be" - my mind is constantly racing about what I should be "doing", could be "doing", or will be "doing" .. and my actual doing is influenced so greatly by all my desires to seek out happiness, joys, and fulfillment from my outside experiences instead of ..  well, I don't know what else.

I wonder too, if I took more time to just "be" - as in daily structured meditation - observing the breath, observing the mind - would I be able to more easily pin-point the belief systems that I am invested in in my mind that seem to limit my "doing" to actions of seeking and pre-programmed re-actions ?

What an interesting time in my life. I bet if someone looked in from the outside they would think "wow, that girl's life must be so boring - all she does is work, eat (a lot), and be online (also a lot!) But I feel like I am setting myself up for something really cool.

I have actively let go of a lot of limiting belief systems already and have found myself being more genuine, open, and honest in relations and conversations with others. Even people that I just meet! Life is way more fun when you are real, but I know that most people don't "try" to be fake, they (like me) are just filled with insecurities and believe that they have to behave in a certain way to please people or be accepted.

You know, it would be hard to be completely alone, not accepted by anyone. But I think If I was the only one on the side of Love, Peace, and Kinship, I would rather stand alone than try and be accepted by those who only know hate, anger, fear, war, and oppression.

Life is so beautiful!

Thanks for reading, I LOVE you all!

Sofie K

"Open Your Mind Before Your Mouth"

On the way through town I was disturbed by a conversation I over-heard between a mother and her son. There where 3 or 4 kids and one of the boys was crying out to his mom "Mom, why you call me a bad boy for no reason? Mom, why I a bad boy? Mom, what I do so you call me a bad boy? Mom, why you call me a bad boy? Mom, I didn't do anything wrong, why I a bad boy?" And the mom was completely ignoring her son. 

We don't really think before speaking, a lot of the time. We don't think about what we say, the belief system operating behind what we say, and why this belief system is established within us to begin with (and whether or not its actually truth). 

Many children remember a time when they could not tell "reality"
apart from their imaginations. Could it be that we hinder children's creativity
and perception of "reality" by believing, ourselves, in a reality that
is too limited and concrete? Are we prisoners of this reality simply because
we have forgotten what is possible?

As is currently established in our society, it is a generally accepted belief that children learn about life from their parents. (Teachers, peers, and the media also have a big influence on how children learn to perceive reality.) Whether or not this is the "right" way to do it is up for debate, I'm just calling it like I see it here.

It is of my opinion that as responsible parent, one should become aware of how everything one says, along with the sub-conscious belief systems attached to the words uttered, affects a child learning to perceive reality. (Since we are energetic beings we also pick up on people's thoughts and actions as ways of perceiving the world - but here I will focus just on words spoken, because of the example and context.)

So the child trusts the mother (or parent) to teach him about the world.

What he isn't aware of (unless he is) is that the mother's own sense of reality is inevitably tainted with the her personal assumptions, conclusions, and altogether skewed perceptions about reality that she acquired through personal experience, relations with others, as well as adopted from her family, friends, and culture.

So the child that doesn't question will take on the mother's mis-conceptions about reality (beliefs) as truth.

So let's dissect a few of the apparent (to me) beliefs that the mother is teaching her son in this situation: 

-The mother is the authority. She has the right to determine what is "bad" and what is "good."
- He is a bad boy for no reason (because this is what he believes; he does not understand what he did wrong, as he exclaims himself.)
- Since the mother most likely had a reason for calling her son a bad boy, He is a bad boy for doing something deemed 'bad' by his mother, SO .... 
- He is a bad boy for dis-obeying his mother (authority) 
- He is a bad boy for dis-obeying established authority  (He is a 'bad boy' for walking outside the box of conformity that many adults have decided is how "life should be like." )
- Other people's assumptions about reality have the power to determine someone's nature (good or bad)
(Ex: You did something I think is bad, therefore you are a bad boy!)


Maybe you are thinking that the son (maybe 3 or 4 years old) won't remember this incident. Many people believe that our sub-conscious minds remember EVERYTHING! Especially events that had an emotional impact on us.

How might this affect the little boy in the future? This story might be remembered in his sub-conscious memory, and feed him thoughts about his (false) 'bad' nature later in life. He may even start to believe that he is a bad person.

People who don't believe that they are "good enough" tend to have a need to prove their worth later in life. (Until they (hopefully) realize that they do not have to prove their worth to ANYONE.) 

How do they attempt to prove this? By being untrue to themselves, pretending to be someone they are not, trying to conform to their image of what "good enough" is that they learned from their parents, friends, society, being afraid to think for themselves, joining establishments that "think" for them, following dogmas (such as those of religions, armies, businesses, etc.) , trying to buy people's love, seeking comfort in addictions, controlling people because they do not believe themselves worthy of true, unconditional love, abusing people and animals (hurting others to lift themselves up a little),  mindlessly conforming to society and being afraid to think for themselves in general, believing that they are bad, unworthy, and stupid.

Let's all try to a little harder to think before we speak and act.
 Let's examine the hidden, underlying,often sub-conscious belief systems
 our words are projecting so as to attempt to limit the amount of our own
emotional poison, fears, and limiting beliefs that we dump on to others, especially children.


What are we teaching our children about reality? What is it that we believe about it ourselves, why do we hold these beliefs, and are those beliefs necessarily the truth?


And are we projecting what we truly believe, or just out-dated beliefs that we "picked up" somewhere?

Can we love and trust someone enough to allow them to establish their own beliefs about reality, even if they are inconsistent with our own and sometimes may seem scary or un-safe to us?




I know that witnessing this experience was so emotionally charged for me because I am only beginning to scratch the surface of all the "beliefs" I still hold that no longer serve me, and am still resentful of the establishments from which I picked up these beliefs. (Something I am working on letting go of !)
I also had thoughts arise such as "Parents are stupid, selfish, afraid, etc." and "It's like they are trying to limit his life, creativity, self-love!" I know I was thinking these thoughts because I feel like I am both the child and the parent, trying to grasp reality from established explanations and assumptions about it (usually quite flawed), as well as judging people, situations, and ideas based on the beliefs I already hold about reality.

Leave it to every experience to teach you something about your "self" if you are just open to the lesson ;)

First Bike Trip to Vail Village!

                                                                                     

I won't have any recent photos until I receive the new camera
cord I ordered, but this is what I look like riding a bike :)
Crested Butte, CO summer 2012

Today was the first car-free day!

It started around 8 a.m. after about an hour of hitting -snooze- on repeat :) My original plan for the day was to join Nate & Susi on a hike up to Booth Lake in East Vail, but I (thankfully!) followed the nagging feeling I had in the back of my mind to check MindBody (my online schedule of massages) and saw that I was on call.  I hope you guys had a great trip!

I rushed around all morning and left the house at about 8:45 to head to Vail Village. I noticed that I had a lot of energy and my hands where shaking while I tried to adjust my helmet strap. I was anxious in both an excited and nervous way. I am SO used to being VERY lazy and taking the lazy half-assed, rushing at the end approach to getting things done and going places, but I noticed some apprehension of leaving my front porch and the 'safe zone' of my home. I just wanted to GET THERE and be at my destination already, and had to re-mind myself to enjoy the present moments along the journey.

I adjusted my helmet and bike seat to a comfortable position, thankful for how smoothly everything was functioning after the wonderful and accommodating gentlemen at SSV in Lionshead Village brought the brakes, front tire, and pedals back to a functioning level. Thanks guys! The morning was brisk,  and I was cutting sharply through the morning breeze heading out of Minturn, grateful for the clear blue sky and sunshine warming my back. I'm glad I also remembered a scarf! I noticed how quickly I was feeling out of breath riding up hills and remembered the mantra of -slow down, take a break- often, greeting the downhill slopes with relief.

On the car ride back from Moab, Utah
April 2012
Left: Moon  Right: Shadow

My ride took me along the winding Eagle River through valleys so beautiful, even the morning bustle of the I-70 interstate could not take away from my bliss. I felt compelled to soak in the green lushness of my surroundings with frequent rests at look-out points and some much needed morning stretches. My backpack was filled with a few books, laptop, and food for the day, and the ol' neck n' shoulders where definitely calling out for some love about halfway through the ride.

A few bikers wizzed past me so fast that I began to question how safe it was going to be to bring my dogs along for the next trip. There are only two ways to get to Vail from Minturn - one is by car via I-70 and the other is along the bike path until I reach West Vail. Im going to try Moon (my Chihuahua/Min Pin mix) in an open-ish backpack until I find a front end basket that he can burrow in. Shadow, (a former sled dog husky who's gait, at nine years old, easily overtakes mine even on a bike), and I will have to practice a side-by-side position with a leash for a while, until he learns to stay on the right side of the bike path for the safety of everyone involved :)

I was surprised at how quickly I arrived at Intermountain in West Vail, but was ready to give my legs and lungs a break so I snapped a few photos of my bike and some trees while I waited for the next bus to scoop me up :) I had never used the bike rack before, so the bus driver's helpfulness and eagerness to show me how to mount my bicycle was greatly appreciated!

I was the only passenger for a while, feeling energized and happy to have caught a bus that greeted my ears with amazing music the second I stepped on. It was when others started to board at later stops that I noticed my psyche re-acting in ways that are less-than helpful for my well being. I began to feel uncomfortable and tense when a very beautiful man and woman sat immediately across from me, and had to re-mind myself over and over again to unclench my jaw and shoulders, and to open up my heart. (To the beautiful people and myself - also a beautiful person, that doesn't always believe this is true.) It seems like I am still very tightly holding on to false belief systems of not being attractive enough, especially since cutting my hair short again and ceasing to obsess over the few extra pounds I still carry around.  I sat back, closed my eyes and began to breath in relaxation and breath out the limiting stories my aunt Ninnie brain was adamantly pushing forward into my conscious stream of thought.   On the still nearly empty bus, I sat with soft eyelids for the remainder of the ride, absorbing my current state of listening and being open to whatever thoughts came up, soaking in the bluegrass tunes that seemed to dance straight out of the mountains themselves.

After a day spent hanging out at Starbucks, working on the blog, and compiling jammin' music playlists, I hopped back on my bike, and rode all the way home to two very excited puppies VERY ready to go outside and play :)

Thank you for reading <3 Here are some wise words from a very kind man.

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness."
-Dalai Lama




Love and Blessings,
Sofie