I Don't Want to be a Christian !

I have a problem with religion and labels in general.

Something, especially, about being a "Christian" definitely invokes certain negative belief systems to spring forward into my conscious thought.

Thoughts of families in the suburbs going to church on Sundays, living out of nature and and going to public schools. (LOL -- what does the latter even have to DO with Christianity?)

People following blind faith, and following certain "laws" just because they are of a certain faith. (Abstaining from sex until married, marriage in general, following Jesus as their personal "savior.")

Christians in my mind are totally "uncool." (This belief system is garbage - throwing it away .. now.)

The thing is, I have felt the presence of a Creator God many times, often in an altered state of consciousness, when some would say I had more "awareness" or more of an "open mind." It just seems like it is in my nature to question EVERYTHING, which my friend Chris told me yesterday was actually one of the things God asks us to do. That in the Bible, it is recorded that God himself calls blind faith foolish (obviously paraphrasing here) and we should question everything and come to answers for ourselves, not be spoon fed dogma.

I have a lot of questions about religions and God.

For example, establishing a religion (read: cultural operating system) based on unquestionable laws determined by an all-powerful Source seems like a really easy way to establish total power and control over people. (Although I admit - I would have to read the Bible to get to know what EXACTLY is being asked of humans from God, according to the the "Holy Book.")

The psychological (Freudian) perspective is that humans created God (the Creator of the Universe) to serve as a "father figure" that we seem to lack. (As my friend Julie once put it - Freud determined that everyone has Daddy issues .. hehe!) Other psychological perspectives for the existence of God in human minds state that humans are attempting to answer questions about our origin, life purpose, and morality.

It is interesting to view all these desires from an ego-based perspective too.

Origin - Our ego wants to know where we came from because let's be honest, our ego wants to know everything. And this is, kindof a big thing. No one can explain the origins of life, and especially not the origins of consciousness, awareness, and thoughts (the observer behind the veil).

Can we figure this out without believing in God? Maybe - we just haven't yet.

Life Purpose - Our ego wants to be needed, and so telling ourselves that we are here because "God has a plan for us" or "we are here to serve God" satisfies that need. Some atheist suicidal people claim "if life has no meaning, why should I go on living?"

Can we have a life purpose without believing in God? Sometimes it can be hard to decide if you do not know if you believe in God, because if you do, your life purpose might be way different than if you don't. But, if you decide that you don't believe in God (or you don't believe that he/she/it determines your life purpose) then you get to decide your life purpose, allow it to unfold organically, or decide not to have a life purpose at all and see what each day brings. Seems fun that way!

Morality - Our ego can sometimes get lost in not knowing what is "good and bad" and so having some "higher power" tell us what is right or wrong seems easy.

Can we figure out right and wrong without God's help? Sure - we all have human feelings and emotions and the ability to feel "empathy" for others, so the notion of "treating others as you would like to be treated" seems like common sense. Even if we cannot experience being someone else (sometimes you can - in altered states of consciousness, but I digress,) we can definitely imagine what it  is like to be someone else, or go through whatever they are experiencing and decide if we would want to be "in their shoes."

There are so many interpretations of what or who God is, and they all think that they are correct.

What "bothers" me about the personal, Christian God who answers to prayers and performs miracles through people and things is that he seems to fulfill many desires of the human ego, and so in my mind, it would be very easy to create such an entity. Also, for a long time now, I have subscribed to the notion "that we have everything we need inside of us already - answers to all our questions and access to all knowledge in the database of the universe" so looking to God for "help" or "answers" seems like another way to look to the "external world" for help. (Some people believe that because God created us in his likeness he gave us this ability also and so being self-sufficient in this manner does not necessarily disprove God.) Also, I am afraid of being wrong and wasting time believing in something to later find out it wasn't even real in the first place. (Because I have spent a good portion of my life already believing beliefs that weren't the "truth")

I DO believe that different religions, Christianity (and the Bible) totally being included in that list, hold a great amount of wisdom and knowledge about our planet and human beings, so I am not saying that it is all useless.

One of the more interesting facts that the Bible talks about is "humans' abilities to change reality with their thoughts" which is now being talked about in the New Age movement, quantum mechanics (and quantum physics), in the yoga and meditation traditions, and from self-help advocates everywhere.

I am totally not opposed in reading the Bible, especially a version that has modern language and word connotations in mind - I am actually very interested in what this (very old) book has to say about reality.

I am also weary of anyone that has it "figured out" because really? Really? The mind is super great at convincing ourselves that we have something "figured out" and that what we believe is the "truth." That's kind of the nature of holding a belief - believing that it is true. But as you probably see within yourself over the years, our beliefs (usually) change, or we cling to them with all our might, fearful of what letting go of a belief system will say about "who we are" and "who we will become" without it. Identity is a trip, y'all.

I love a quote that I have hanging in my bathroom which states - "The spiritual path is not about not having beliefs, but in holding them loosely. If we cling to a belief we are stuck - if we hold it loosely we can go with the flow." (The whole quote is about how limited our individual human perspectives are relative to "reality" - which is also a belief because no one has ever been able to describe the "true nature of reality.")

So for now I remain a religious skeptic, although when I look around at the world I see in front of my eyes and senses, and think about the complexity of sub-atomic particles, our body, or the universe, it really does look like it was beautifully and lovingly designed by some kind of grand Creator. (I do not believe that Creation and Evolution are exclusive, by the way.)

Is God a man in the sky, sitting on a bejeweled throne though ? -  well, I obviously have some doubts about that one.

I have inserted an amazing video that really speaks to my heart and soul and raises the vibration of my being... please watch :) 

Thanks for reading!
With love and gratitude for this human experience,
Sofie K.