Beyond Habits

A post about releasing habits effortlessly by simply bringing more awareness to them, from the Meditation facebook page, deeply intrigued me.

We all have habits, some we assign the label of "good," some "evil, life-destroying, ugly, shameful, etc.) Osho believes that all habits are "bad," because they take us out of the present moment, and instead we re-act in a way that has worked for us in the past, even though it may not be the appropriate solution at this current time and place.

Personally, I have a habit of dieting and then bingeing and seeking comfort in food, ( a habit that is currently serving my life in a way that is allowing me to learn and become conscious of how intensely humans "make a habit ;) of limiting their own lives, and also by allowing me to gain understanding and awareness that there are ways to release patterns and habits, to live a more present life in each moment. Freely Living is a  process, and releasing habits is progress!)  I simply inserted my personal habits anywhere the post mentioned "smoking." The same can be done with any habit you desire to release, just insert it where ever you see "smoking." The concept is the same no matter what the particular habit is that you are allowing to keep you its slave.

               " I am less interested in your chain-smoking; I am more interested in your habit. Life is continuously changing — it is a flux — and habits are stagnant. The more you are surrounded by habits, the more you are closed to life. One should live more in freedom. One should be able to do things not according to habits but according to the situations. You don’t have any communication with life; you go on repeating your habits. They don’t fit; they are not the right response to the situation, to the moment. Habits are all bad because habit means something unconscious has become a dominating factor in your life, has become decisive. You are no longer the deciding factor. The response is not coming out of awareness but out of a pattern, structure, that you have learned in the past."

The author explains that we repeat habits because we are full of anxiety, tension, and worry, and that slipping into the "unconscious" act of performing a habit distracts us from our anxiety. The habit is just the symptom of a deeper issue, and we can use to avoid being fully present in a situation where we feel uncomfortable (anxious, afraid, depressed, worried, nervous, angry, frustrated.)

"You cannot cure food addiction by dieting.." I'm not sure if you can cure any real addiction simply by abstaining, without going absolutely freaking nuts. The addiction is the symptom, after all, and the reasons that led us to begin the addiction in the first place (and seek comfort in the habit of our choice) will continue to arise and lead us back to our habits. Especially if we are trying to avoid it.

I know for me, when I have uncomfortable feelings, I want to push them away by literally stuffing them down with heavy foods. I also know though, that much of my anxiety, fears, and worry, comes from the pressure I put on myself to be a certain way in my body. (The way I think it should look and feel.) Human behavior , thought, feeling, and emotion is pretty complex though, I realize this.

What I think the author is urging us to do is to simplify life a little, not by trying to solve a problem at once, but simply by being aware of our behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and emotions, especially around our habits.

Here is the full post by Osho:

BeyondHabits

I cannot drop the habit of chain-smoking. I have tried hard but I have always failed. Is it a sin to smoke?

 

Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill! Religious people are very skillful in doing that. Now, what are you really doing when you are smoking? Just taking some smoke inside your lungs and letting it out. It is a kind of pranayama...filthy, dirty, but still a pranayama! You are doing yoga, in a stupid way. It is not sin. It may befoolish but it is not a sin, certainly.

There is only one sin and that is unawareness, and only one virtue and that is awareness.

Do whatsoever you are doing, but remain a witness to it, and immediately the quality of your doing is transformed.

I will not tell you not to smoke; that you have tried. You must have been told by many so-called saints not to smoke: “Because if you smoke you will fall into hell.” God is not so stupid as your saints are. Throwing somebody into hell just because he was smoking cigarettes will be absolutely unnecessary.

One morning Weintraub went to a restaurant and ordered bacon with his eggs. He was an orthodox Jew and his wife kept a strictly kosher home, but Weintraubfelt the need just this once.

As Weintraub was about to leave the restaurant, he stopped in the door frozen with terror. The sky was filled with black clouds, there was lightning, and the ground shook with the rumble of thunder.

“Can you imagine!” he exclaimed. “All that fuss over a little piece of bacon!”

But that’s what your so-called saints have been telling you down through the ages, for centuries.

Smoking is unhealthy, unhygienic, but not a sin. It becomes a sin only if you are doing it unconsciously. It is not smoking that makes it a sin but unconsciousness.

Let me emphasize the fact. You can do your prayer every day unconsciously; then your prayer is a sin. You can become addicted to your prayer. If you miss the prayer one day, the whole day you will feel something is wrong, something ismissing...some gap. It is the same with smoking or with drinking; there is nodifference in it. Your prayer has become a mechanical habit; it has become a master over you. It bosses you; you are just a servant, a slave to it. If you don’t do it, it forces you to do it.

So it is not a question of smoking. You may be doing your Transcendental Meditation every day regularly, and it may be just the same. If the quality of unconsciousness is there, if mechanicalness is there, if it has become a fixed routine, if it has become a habit and you are a victim of the habit and you cannot put it aside, you are no longer a master of yourself, then it is a sin.But its being a sin comes out of your unconsciousness, not out of the act itself.

No act is virtuous, no act is a sin. What consciousness is behind the act —everything depends on that.

You say: “I cannot drop the habit of chain-smoking.” I am less interested in your chain-smoking; I am more interested in your habit. Any habit that becomes a force, a dominating force over you, is a sin. One should live more infreedom. One should be able to do things not according to habits but according to the situations.

Life is continuously changing — it is a flux — and habits are stagnant. Themore you are surrounded by habits, the more you are closed to life. You are notopen, you don’t have windows. You don’t have any communication with life; yougo on repeating your habits. They don’t fit; they are not the right response tothe situation, to the moment. They are always lagging behind, they are alwaysfalling short. That’s the failure of your life.

So remember: I am against all kinds of habits. Good or bad is not the point.There is no good habit as such, there is no bad habit as such. Habits are allbad because habit means something unconscious has become a dominating factor inyour life, has become decisive. You are no longer the deciding factor. Theresponse is not coming out of awareness but out of a pattern, structure, thatyou have learned in the past.

I have seen many rich people living very poor lives. Before they became richtheir habits became settled — and their habits became settled when they werepoor. That’s why you find so much miserliness in rich people; it comes from thehabits that became ingrained in them when they were poor.

One of the richest men in the world — not one of the richest but the richestman in the world, it is thought — was the Nizam of Hyderabad. His collection ofdiamonds was the greatest in the world because he owned the diamond mines ofGolconda, which have provided the greatest diamonds to the world. The Kohinoorcomes from Golconda. It was once in the Nizam’s possession. He had so manydiamonds that it is said that no one has ever been able to calculate exactlythe price of his collection. Thousands and thousands of diamonds — they werenot counted, they were weighed!

But he was one of the most miserly men in the world. He used a single cap forthirty years. It was stinking but he wouldn’t change it. He continued to wearthe same coat for almost his whole life and he would not give it to be washedbecause they might destroy it. He was so miserly — you cannot imagine — that hewould collect half-smoked cigarettes from the guests’ ashtrays and then smokethem. The richest man in the world smoking cigarette butts smoked by others!The first thing he would do whenever a guest left was to search in the ashtraysand collect the ends of the cigarettes.

When he died, his greatest diamond was found in his dirty shoes. He was hidingit in his shoe! Maybe he had some idea behind it — that maybe he would be ableto take it with him to the other world. Maybe he was afraid: “When I am dead,people may steal it.” It was the greatest diamond; he used that diamond as apaper-weight on his table. Before he died he must have put it inside his shoe.

Even when one is dying one is moving in old habits, following old patterns. Ihave heard:

The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt deathapproaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordereda beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had abeautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.

The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see howit would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, “What is this! Where are thepockets?”

Smoking or no smoking, that is not important. Maybe if you continue to smokeyou will die a little earlier. So what? The world is so overpopulated, you willdo some good by dying a little earlier. Maybe you will have tuberculosis. Sowhat? Tuberculosis is now almost like the common cold. In fact, there is nocure for the common cold but there is a cure for tuberculosis I know it becauseI suffer from a common cold. To have tuberculosis is to be very fortunate.

So it is possible that you may die two years earlier, you may get tuberculosis— but it is not a sin. Don’t be worried about that. If you really want to dosomething about your life, dropping smoking is not going to help — because Iknow people who drop smoking; then they start chewing gum. The same oldstupidity! Or if they are Indians they start chewing pan; it is the same. Youwill do something or other. Your unconsciousness will demand some activity,some occupation. It is an occupation. And it is only a symptom; it is notreally the problem. It is not the root of the problem.

Have you not observed? Whenever you feel emotionally disturbed you immediatelystart smoking. It gives you a kind of relief; you become occupied. Your mind isdistracted from the emotional problem. Whenever people feel tense they startsmoking. The problem is tension, the problem is emotional disturbance — theproblem is somewhere else; smoking is just an occupation. So you become engagedin taking the smoke in and out and you forget for the time being...because mindcannot think of two things together, remember it. One of the fundamentals ofmind is: it can think only of one thing at one time; it is one-dimensional. Soif you are smoking and thinking of smoking, then from all other anxieties youare distracted.

That’s the whole secret of the so-called spiritual mantras: they are nothingbut distractions, like smoking. You repeat “Om, Om, Om,” or “Ram, Ram, Ram,” or“Allah, Allah, Allah” — that is just giving mind an occupation. And all thesepeople who teach mantras say, “Repeat it as quickly as possible, so thatbetween two repetitions there is not even a small gap. Let them overlap — so ‘RamRam Ram’ — don’t leave a gap between two Rams, otherwise some thought mayenter. Repeat it like crazy!”

Yes, it will give you a certain relief — the same relief that comes fromsmoking, because your mind will be distracted from the anxieties and the world.You will forget about the world; you have created a trick. All mantras aretricks, but they are spiritual. Chain-smoking is also a mantra. It is a worldlymantra; non-religious you can call it, secular.

The real problem is the habit.

You say: “I have tried hard to drop it....”

You have not tried to be conscious of it; without trying to be conscious youhave tried to drop it. It is not possible. It will come back, because your mindis the same; its needs are the same, its problems are the same, its anxieties,tensions are the same, its anguish is the same. And when those anxieties arise,what will you do? Immediately, mechanically, you will start searching for thecigarettes.

You may have decided again and again, and again and again you have failed — notbecause smoking is such a great phenomenon that you cannot get out of it, butbecause you are trying from the wrong end. Rather than becoming aware of thewhole situation — why you smoke in the first place — rather than becoming awareof the process of smoking, you are simply trying to drop it. It is like pruningthe leaves of a tree without cutting the roots. And my whole concern here is tocut the roots, not to prune the tree.

By pruning the leaves and the branches the tree will become thicker, thefoliage will become thicker. You will not destroy the tree; you will be helpingit, in fact. If you really want to get out of it you will have to look deeper,not into the symptoms but the roots. Where are the roots?

You must be a deeply anxiety-ridden person, otherwise chain-smoking is notpossible; chain-smoking is a by-product. You must be so concerned about athousand and one disturbances inside, you must be carrying such a big load ofworries on your heart, on your chest, that you don’t even know how to forgetthem. You don’t know how to drop them; smoking at least helps you to forgetabout them.

 You say: “I have tried hard....”












Now one thing has to be understood. The hypnotists have discovered afundamental law; they call it the Law of Reverse Effect. If you try hard to dosomething without understanding the fundamentals, just the opposite will be theresult.

It is like when you are learning how to ride on a bicycle. You are on a silentroad, no traffic, early in the morning, and you see a red milestone juststanding there by the side of the road like Hanuman. A sixty-foot-wide road andjust a small milestone, and you become afraid: you may get to the milestone,you may hit the milestone. Now you forget about the sixty-foot-wide road. Infact, even if you go blindfolded there is not much chance of your encounteringthe milestone, crashing into the milestone, but with open eyes now the wholeroad is forgotten; you have become focused. In the first place, that redness isvery focusing. And you are so afraid, you want to avoid it. You have forgottenthat you are on a bicycle; you have forgotten everything. Now the only problemfor you is how to avoid this stone; otherwise you may harm yourself, you maycrash into it.

Now the crash is absolutely inevitable; you are bound to crash with the stone.And then you will be surprised: “1 tried hard.” In fact it is because you triedhard that you reached the stone. And the closer you come, the harder you try toavoid it; but the harder you try to avoid it, the more focused you become onit. It becomes a hypnotic force, it hypnotizes you. It becomes like a magnet.

It is a very fundamental law in life. Many people try avoiding many things andthey fall into the same things. Try to avoid anything with great effort and youare bound to fall into the same pit. You cannot avoid it; that is not the wayto avoid it.

Be relaxed. Don’t try hard, because it is through relaxation that you canbecome aware, not by trying hard. Be calm, quiet, silent.

I will suggest: smoke as much as you want to smoke. It is not a sin in thefirst place. I give you the guarantee — I will be responsible. I take the sinon myself, so if you meet God on Judgment Day you can just tell him that thisfellow is responsible. And I will stand there as a witness for you that you arenot responsible. So don’t be worried about its being a sin. Relax and don’t tryto drop it with effort. No, that is not going to help.

Zen believes in effortless understanding. So this is my suggestion: smoke asmuch as you want to smoke — just smoke meditatively. If Zen people can drinktea meditatively, why can’t you smoke meditatively? In fact, tea contains thesame stimulant as the cigarettes contain; it is the same stimulant, there isnot much difference. Smoke meditatively, very religiously. Make it a ceremony.Try it my way.

Make a small corner in your house just for smoking: a small temple devoted,dedicated to the god of smoking. First bow down to your cigarette packet. Havea little chit-chat, talk to the cigarettes. Inquire, “How are you?” And thenvery slowly take a cigarette out — very slowly, as slowly as you can, becauseonly if you take it very slowly will you be aware. Don’t do it in a mechanicalway, as you always do. Then tap the cigarette on the packet very slowly and foras long as you want. There is no hurry either. Then take the lighter, bow downto the lighter. These are great gods, deities! Light is God, so why not thelighter?

Then start smoking very slowly, just like Vipassana. Don’t do it like a pranayama— quick and fast and deep — but very slowly. Buddha says: Breathe naturally. Soyou smoke naturally: very slow, no hurry. If it is a sin you are in a hurry. Ifit is a sin you want to finish it as soon as possible. If it is a sin you don’twant to look at it. You go on reading the newspaper and you go on smoking. Whowants to look at a sin? But it is not a sin, so watch it — watch each of youracts.

Divide your acts into small fragments so you can move very slowly. And you willbe surprised: by watching your smoking, slowly slowly smoking will become lessand less. And one day suddenly...it is gone. You have not made any effort todrop it; it has dropped of its own accord, because by becoming aware of a deadpattern, a routine, a mechanical habit, you have created, you have released, anew energy of consciousness in you. Only that energy can help you; nothing elsewill ever help.

It is not only so with smoking, it is so with everything else in life: don’ttry too hard to change yourself. That leaves scars. Even if you change, yourchange will remain superficial. And you will find a substitute somewhere; youwill have to find a substitute, otherwise you will feel empty.

When something withers away of its own accord because you have become sosilently aware of the stupidity of it that no effort is needed, when it simplyfalls, just like a dead leaf falling from a tree, it leaves no scar behind andit leaves no ego behind.

If you drop something by effort, it creates great ego. You start thinking, “NowI am a very virtuous man because I don’t smoke.” If you think that smoking is asin, naturally, obviously, if you drop it you will think you are a veryvirtuous man.

That’s how your virtuous men are. Somebody does not smoke, somebody does notdrink, somebody eats only once a day, somebody does not eat in the night,somebody has even stopped drinking water in the night...and they are all greatsaints! These are saintly qualities, great virtues! We have made religion sosilly. It has lost all glory. It has become as stupid as people are. But thewhole thing depends on your attitude: if you think something is a sin, thenyour virtue will be just the opposite of it.

I emphasize: not-smoking is not virtue, smoking is not sin; awareness isvirtue, unawareness is sin. And then the same law is applicable to your wholelife. 

Osho

I hope you enjoyed that enlightening piece of literature :)

I did have one question for the author. Isn't seeking (the desire) to release a habit (even by utilizing the means of conscious awareness to do it) still an effort, still "trying hard to change yourself?"

Hm. It seems that even if it is, it may be a an extremely effective means of change. I truly believe that we cannot simply try and change habits, because they are always the result of deeper roots that often are tangled up in unconscious thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others, and reality. By becoming intimately aware of these beliefs we can begin to ask ourselves, "Is it true?" When we realize that we have been telling ourselves lies all along, and living in illusion, will the habit naturally fall away because the necessity of the mind to keep the illusion in tact falls away.

Ways I plan to use awareness more to manifest greater freedom from habits, especially the ones relating to my relationship with food:

• Notice my thoughts and feelings while eating certain types of food. Do I find myself feeling more virtuous when I eat a certain type of food over another? Do I find myself enabling habits in myself relating to what time of day I should eat a certain food or shouldn't?
• Notice how my body physically feels before, during, and after eating different types of foods. 
• Notice how I feel mentally before, during, and after eating different types of foods
• Notice how I feel emotionally before, during, and after eating different foods
• Notice how I am feeling and what I am thinking about when the urge to eat a certain type of food or binge arises
• Ask myself, and I really hungry right now?
• Notice any thoughts and feelings arising when I look into the mirror
• Continue to ask "Is this true?"
• Blog about my findings

I think it is a common desire among people to want to live a life of freedom and happiness. I have this nagging question, though ..  (is it just my mind self-sabotaging again? ;) even if we successfully release limiting patterns in our lives, will we be any more free, since we are changing events on the "outside" to try and affect how we feel on the "inside," and many a spiritual "guru" has been know to exalt the power of finding unconditional peace and acceptance within, instead of trying to change outside events.

It seems that the way Osho describes going about "changing outer reality" is fundamentally based upon the notion that we must free ourselves by looking for the "roots of the habit" deep within our Selves, so that the habits with naturally and effortlessly reveal themselves simply for what they are: a habitual way of trying to take care of themselves .. there is a phrase for that which I can't remember.. anyone?

Anyways.. Remember this part of the article?

"... my whole concern here is to cut the roots, not to prune the tree.

By pruning the leaves and the branches the tree will become thicker, the foliage will become thicker. You will not destroy the tree; you will be helping it, in fact. If you really want to get out of it you will have to look deeper, not into the symptoms but the roots. Where are the roots?"

We've gotta get deep man. It's time to face the issues instead of turning away from them. Yeah the ego might suffer a few butt-hurt moments when it realizes it has been believing a false belief .. again .. sometimes your entire life ... and you may realize you are not who you think you are .. and you're not. You're probably something way more awesome, vast, wise, and divine.

Maybe. Maybe we're just monkeys who can't relax and be content or whatever ;)

Thanks for reading, everyone! 

If you are interested in this topic, check out this hilarious article on cracked.com about habits .. 5 Ways Your Brain Tricks You Into Sticking With Bad Habitshttp://www.cracked.com/article_20028_5-ways-your-brain-tricks-you-into-sticking-with-bad-habits.html

Is there a perspective you can choose about yourself today that is positive, even though you may recognize things in your life that you may want to change? Can you see your habits in a positive light, even finding gratitude for them in some way? How have the habits of your past or present, or ones you have released already changed your view of reality? Have you gained any understanding, wisdom, or compassion for yourself and others through these experiences?
Love, Growth, and Freedom
Sofie K


P.S. I am not convinced that there are no such things as good habits, and am making a metal note to explore this concept further at a later time.

What do you think? Are there good habits, or are all habits detrimental? What do you think about the content and ideas touched on throughout this post?

Leave a comment, let's start a conversation!

Breathing Space: Discovery Exercise 1 of 12

I am embarking on a breath-work journey for positive personal transformation, inspired by a book I recently picked up at the library: Breathing Space by Katrina Repka and Alan Finger. My main intentions for doing breath-work are: to increase my sense of peace and well-being, learn more about my self and what I am going through (specifically in the areas related to food, eating, body-image, self-worth, and self-esteem), increase oxygen in my body, pain relief (sore muscles from exercise), and to observe my mind and ego at work.

Please join me on this journey of self-discovery through breath work if you are intrigued; there are so many benefits !

Here are 18 benefits of breathing exercises (from onepowerfulword.com) :
If you are already convinced, scroll past these to get to the exercise!

1. Breathing detoxifies and releases toxins
2. Releases tension
3. Relaxes the mind/body and brings clarity
4. Relieves Emotional Stress

5. Relieves Pain
6. Massages your organs
    The movement of the diaphragm during the deep breathing exercises massages the stomach, small intestine, liver, and pancreas. The upper movement of the diaphragm also massages the heart. When you inhale air your diaphragm descends and your abdomen will expand. By this action you massage vital organs and improve circulation in them. Controlled breathing also strengthens and tones your abdominal muscles. 
7. Breathing increases muscle
8. Strengthens the immune system
9. Deep breathing improves posture (and visa versa!)
10. Improves quality of the blood
11. Increases digestion and assimilation of food
12. Improves the nervous system
13. Strengthens the lungs
14. Makes the heart stronger.
15. Assists in weight control
16. Boosts energy levels and improves stamina
17. Improves cellular regeneration
18. Elevates moods and combats physical pain

Breath Focus 1: DISCOVERY
"If you practice this exercise every day for two weeks, you will soon be more aware of your breathing patterns. You will find that they may change according to the time of day and your emotional state. The exercise can be done whenever you like: try experimenting with it at different times of the day. By studying the breath, you will learn to identify when you breathing is not working to your best advantage. This self-study (svadyaya in Sanskrit) is the essence of the yogic practice; through svadyaya you can begin to identify the patterns and tendencies that are keeping you bound up inside, and find the freedom that is yoga. As you practice with the breath, you will experience changes particular to you: they might be subtle at first, and you may not notice them immediately, but the more you practice, the more control you will gain over your breathing - and eventually over your life. The breath is a powerful tool. If you have not worked with it before, be prepared to experience some unusual side effects: as the breath moves inside you for the first few times, you may become emotional. Or you may simply fall asleep. Your body is responding. Big changes are coming. The journey is just beginning."

Because I love you so much ;) I have recorded the exercise so that you may simply play it back, listen to me giving the instructions, relax, and enjoy! If you prefer to read along, I have also typed out the instructions below.

(Almost all breathing techniques in yoga are done through the nose. If you are stuffed up, you can do this exercise with your mouth slightly open.)

Copy & Paste this link to listen to this exercise: http://soundcloud.com/sofiakovalenko/breath-exercise-1-discovery

Time: 10-15 minutes
Props: (optional) Bolster, Pillow, Eye Pillow

1. Find a quiet place, free from distraction. 

2. Lie down on your back. If your lower back feels sensitive, bend your knees (you can place them over a bolster or pillow, if you have one handy.) 

3. Close your eyes, and if you like, place and eye pad over them.

4. Start to breathe in and out through your nose, becoming aware of your breath. Without judging it in any way, notice how the breath moves in your body. Where does it begin and end? Is it fast or slow? What pattern does it make as it enters and leaves?

5. Notice the composition of your breath. Is it smooth and even? Short and choppy? Deep or shallow? Hard or soft? When you inhale, does your torso expand or contract? What happens when you exhale?

6. If you become aware at any point that your mind has wandered, gently draw your attention back to the breath.

7.  Now place one hand on your belly, and one hand on your chest. Bring your awareness to your chest. Do you feel your breath expanding both your chest and upper back as you breathe in? Do your ribs also flare out to the sides? Are there any areas where your breath is unable to move freely?

8. Bring your awareness to your belly. As you breathe in, do you feel the front of your belly lifting? Do you feel the breath causing movement in your lower back? What about your pelvic floor: can you feel it moving with your breath?

9. Are there any other descriptions of your breath that come to mind? Feel free to be creative.

10. Take a few minutes to continue your exploration, then slowly and gently roll to one side and come back up to a seated position.

In-JOY!


Personally, I plan to do this exercise 3 times a day for the next 2 weeks: once upon waking, once mid-day, and once right before bed. I will update the blog about any insights, revelations, and realizations I have and I encourage you to do the same in a journal, a blog, or just consciously think about what experiences you have during these first few weeks of Discovery.

For even more inspiration and mind-body-heart integration, go ahead and to do this yoga podcast, seriously, it is worth it! 

http://friendlyuniverseyoga.com/wp-content/uploads/HolyHips.mp3
For more amazing podcasts, visit www.friendlyuniverseyoga.com

Then, watch this amazing TEDx talk by yoga teacher Shannon Paige:

Love, peace, and awareness,

Sofie K.

Lots of Thoughts

During my time in Hawaii, I had access to the internet only when I borrowed friends' laptops. (rarely.)

It was amazing !

I actively participated in life SO much more. AND when I wasn't participating, I had one less distraction (the internet) to keep me distracted from what I was attempting to contemplate, work through, or let go of. Or from simple silence. (Trust me though - I have a complete arsenal of mind-numbing distractions at my disposal .. which I am .. slowly .. clearing out also.)

I would consider these things more like addictions - and internet definitely falls into that category.

What I see currently showing up in my life:

Consistent over-eating, especially of unhealthy foods. Thought-less, mind-less eating while Im on the internet  or seeking a feeling or sensation from food.

Spending 6 + hours a day on the internet. Yeah. Doing what? Facebook, YouTube, some constructive mind-expanding, thought-provoking stuff, but also a lot of mindless mindlessness.

Being ok with what I am doing, and not releasing the "second arrow" into myself which Is the blame, self-hate, and anger that sometimes comes with bringing awareness to addictions or "negative behavior patterns."

I am just noticing that I am doing it, acknowledging that it is not in my "best" interest for the long-term, but also thinking that maybe because I am still doing these things that there is something to be learned from these experiences.

With food - what it seems like I should really focus on is feeling good vs. looking good. I know there is NOTHING wrong with looking good, but when it becomes an obsessive thought pattern and ALL of my thoughts become dominated by my self-image (how I perceive people are viewing/experiencing me) it is so unhealthy for my mind.

In general, I notice my thoughts becoming less and less about how I believe other people view me. I still catch myself thinking this sometimes, but can usually quickly realize what I am doing and eliminate these thoughts from my mind.

I saw a quote yesterday that said "You will stop worrying so much about what other people think about you once you realize how rarely they actually do."

Seems true. We are so "I" and "self" obsessed. At least I am. I mean, I don't really know how not to be. This whole life experience has been "my" experience. It's the only one I know. But sometimes I forget that we all share this world, and that people are not just in "my" world. (Although some theorists and explorers of consciousness do propose the idea that we cannot ACTUALLY prove any one else's conscious awareness beyond our own..but thinking like that ... seems like a justification of the ego to simply do as one wishes and disregard everyone else's well-being.) I DONT KNOW :)

The point of that was, that EVERYONE is living in their own perceived reality.

We have not yet transcended the "self" ( the "ego") as the observer, player, and experience-er of this human existence. And who even knows if we are supposed to.

The part of me that says "it is all as it should be" says - of course we are not supposed to, or else we would have already. All is as it should be, and if you are having this "self" egoic human experience, full of struggles, worries, joys, and moments of bliss then it is how the Creator (if there is one) intended it to be (at least in this moment in Time & Space).

But THAT kind of thinking gets me into another hole because then I say -

Well if everything is always as it should be then why bother to change anything? Why not just change our minds to accept and find joy in whatever situation is presented to us instead of constantly trying to force experiences (of what we think we are going to experience) by embarking to seek change.

So this is maybe "being" vs. "doing"

But are we meant to just "be" ? And then what would we experience?

The miracle of the breath, of pure life force pulsating through our bodies?

But at some point we need to eat right? So we go out and look for food, and immediately we are "doing."

So maybe there is a balance between simply "being" - observing what is (in the surroundings and the own mind), non-reactionary, and non-thinking. Non problem solving. Non fixing, non-doing.

And then there is the doing.

I feel like I need to re-learn how to do both of these things. Because I do not remember how to simply "be" - my mind is constantly racing about what I should be "doing", could be "doing", or will be "doing" .. and my actual doing is influenced so greatly by all my desires to seek out happiness, joys, and fulfillment from my outside experiences instead of ..  well, I don't know what else.

I wonder too, if I took more time to just "be" - as in daily structured meditation - observing the breath, observing the mind - would I be able to more easily pin-point the belief systems that I am invested in in my mind that seem to limit my "doing" to actions of seeking and pre-programmed re-actions ?

What an interesting time in my life. I bet if someone looked in from the outside they would think "wow, that girl's life must be so boring - all she does is work, eat (a lot), and be online (also a lot!) But I feel like I am setting myself up for something really cool.

I have actively let go of a lot of limiting belief systems already and have found myself being more genuine, open, and honest in relations and conversations with others. Even people that I just meet! Life is way more fun when you are real, but I know that most people don't "try" to be fake, they (like me) are just filled with insecurities and believe that they have to behave in a certain way to please people or be accepted.

You know, it would be hard to be completely alone, not accepted by anyone. But I think If I was the only one on the side of Love, Peace, and Kinship, I would rather stand alone than try and be accepted by those who only know hate, anger, fear, war, and oppression.

Life is so beautiful!

Thanks for reading, I LOVE you all!

Sofie K

"Open Your Mind Before Your Mouth"

On the way through town I was disturbed by a conversation I over-heard between a mother and her son. There where 3 or 4 kids and one of the boys was crying out to his mom "Mom, why you call me a bad boy for no reason? Mom, why I a bad boy? Mom, what I do so you call me a bad boy? Mom, why you call me a bad boy? Mom, I didn't do anything wrong, why I a bad boy?" And the mom was completely ignoring her son. 

We don't really think before speaking, a lot of the time. We don't think about what we say, the belief system operating behind what we say, and why this belief system is established within us to begin with (and whether or not its actually truth). 

Many children remember a time when they could not tell "reality"
apart from their imaginations. Could it be that we hinder children's creativity
and perception of "reality" by believing, ourselves, in a reality that
is too limited and concrete? Are we prisoners of this reality simply because
we have forgotten what is possible?

As is currently established in our society, it is a generally accepted belief that children learn about life from their parents. (Teachers, peers, and the media also have a big influence on how children learn to perceive reality.) Whether or not this is the "right" way to do it is up for debate, I'm just calling it like I see it here.

It is of my opinion that as responsible parent, one should become aware of how everything one says, along with the sub-conscious belief systems attached to the words uttered, affects a child learning to perceive reality. (Since we are energetic beings we also pick up on people's thoughts and actions as ways of perceiving the world - but here I will focus just on words spoken, because of the example and context.)

So the child trusts the mother (or parent) to teach him about the world.

What he isn't aware of (unless he is) is that the mother's own sense of reality is inevitably tainted with the her personal assumptions, conclusions, and altogether skewed perceptions about reality that she acquired through personal experience, relations with others, as well as adopted from her family, friends, and culture.

So the child that doesn't question will take on the mother's mis-conceptions about reality (beliefs) as truth.

So let's dissect a few of the apparent (to me) beliefs that the mother is teaching her son in this situation: 

-The mother is the authority. She has the right to determine what is "bad" and what is "good."
- He is a bad boy for no reason (because this is what he believes; he does not understand what he did wrong, as he exclaims himself.)
- Since the mother most likely had a reason for calling her son a bad boy, He is a bad boy for doing something deemed 'bad' by his mother, SO .... 
- He is a bad boy for dis-obeying his mother (authority) 
- He is a bad boy for dis-obeying established authority  (He is a 'bad boy' for walking outside the box of conformity that many adults have decided is how "life should be like." )
- Other people's assumptions about reality have the power to determine someone's nature (good or bad)
(Ex: You did something I think is bad, therefore you are a bad boy!)


Maybe you are thinking that the son (maybe 3 or 4 years old) won't remember this incident. Many people believe that our sub-conscious minds remember EVERYTHING! Especially events that had an emotional impact on us.

How might this affect the little boy in the future? This story might be remembered in his sub-conscious memory, and feed him thoughts about his (false) 'bad' nature later in life. He may even start to believe that he is a bad person.

People who don't believe that they are "good enough" tend to have a need to prove their worth later in life. (Until they (hopefully) realize that they do not have to prove their worth to ANYONE.) 

How do they attempt to prove this? By being untrue to themselves, pretending to be someone they are not, trying to conform to their image of what "good enough" is that they learned from their parents, friends, society, being afraid to think for themselves, joining establishments that "think" for them, following dogmas (such as those of religions, armies, businesses, etc.) , trying to buy people's love, seeking comfort in addictions, controlling people because they do not believe themselves worthy of true, unconditional love, abusing people and animals (hurting others to lift themselves up a little),  mindlessly conforming to society and being afraid to think for themselves in general, believing that they are bad, unworthy, and stupid.

Let's all try to a little harder to think before we speak and act.
 Let's examine the hidden, underlying,often sub-conscious belief systems
 our words are projecting so as to attempt to limit the amount of our own
emotional poison, fears, and limiting beliefs that we dump on to others, especially children.


What are we teaching our children about reality? What is it that we believe about it ourselves, why do we hold these beliefs, and are those beliefs necessarily the truth?


And are we projecting what we truly believe, or just out-dated beliefs that we "picked up" somewhere?

Can we love and trust someone enough to allow them to establish their own beliefs about reality, even if they are inconsistent with our own and sometimes may seem scary or un-safe to us?




I know that witnessing this experience was so emotionally charged for me because I am only beginning to scratch the surface of all the "beliefs" I still hold that no longer serve me, and am still resentful of the establishments from which I picked up these beliefs. (Something I am working on letting go of !)
I also had thoughts arise such as "Parents are stupid, selfish, afraid, etc." and "It's like they are trying to limit his life, creativity, self-love!" I know I was thinking these thoughts because I feel like I am both the child and the parent, trying to grasp reality from established explanations and assumptions about it (usually quite flawed), as well as judging people, situations, and ideas based on the beliefs I already hold about reality.

Leave it to every experience to teach you something about your "self" if you are just open to the lesson ;)