Earthy Juice and Waking Up Early :)

Green Apple!
Romaine!
Spinach!
Carrot!
Green Grape!
Lemon!
Celery!

Raw Juice!
YUM!

I have been eating better and going to sleep early (between 8:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m.) and have been waking up on my own at about 7 in the morning. (And feeling mostly fanfreakingtastic!) I've even felt a lot less crampy on my menstrual cycle this time around, and although I know not working during it has a lot to do with it, I am super thankful to my moon cup and all the fruits and veggies in my body that I know are helping too!

I am moved into Julie's driveway :) and Shadow is having a fun time chasing the new cat in the house (We have a 4th roommate for the month of October who has brought two cats with her :), while Moon insists that he play with him all day.

The furniture is all moved out of the "living room," which has been transformed into a beautiful yoga/meditation space, which I am excited to finally utilize today. (Yoga, especially during the first 2-3 days of my flow is usually a major no.)

Yesterday Julie and I did a huge Costco run and picked up a cart full of fresh, raw, mostly organic produce :) Holy grapes, raspberries, blackberries, apples, romaine, spinach, carrots, celery, etc. etc. etc. We created a beautiful juice last night that was one of the two best juices I had ever made! Amazing how something turns out so delicious when you are making it to share with someone you love!

Feeling good and this house feels like a home :) Everything happens for a reason, they say, and I am glad to have moved in to our little nook in Gypsum a month early! It would be swell if the Blu Ox was still starting, but maybe that is just another lesson I had to learn: If you buy a vehicle from 1979, you better be a mechanic ;) or dating one ... 

Peace & Love
Sofie K

Meditation

Meditated for 10 minutes yesterday and immediately felt a sense of clarity and peace. I began reading the book on meditation that I have, and my focus has been so much better than it has been lately when trying to read.

The book is really well written too, which helps.

During meditation I wasn't trying to clear my mind of all thoughts - instead I was just focusing on watching the mind as thoughts arose, trying not to engage with the thoughts.

I forgot my computer charger at Starbucks yesterday, and what a blessing that turned out to be! Before I even thought about using the internet, I spent some time cleaning up the house. By the time I was ready to veg out, I realized that I was missing the charger. It was funny to watch the mind re-act (almost in a panic) realizing that I wouldn't be able to use the internet ALL NIGHT. Man, I really am addicted ;) I had it all planned out already, I was going to make a big bowl of rice and sit down and waste time on the internet while binge eating. After I realized I couldn't use my computer, the craving for the food dissapeared almost completely as well. (I wasn't actually hungry - I just wanted to eat.) Interesting how these two things are so related for me.

Then I went to my room, layed down, and meditated. Victory!

(I read an article by a spiritual teacher that advised to repeat the mantra "Victory" when faced with difficulties.)

....

My parents come to town today - super excited to see them.

I Know What I Want

There has been a certain question plaguing my life lately. What do I want out of life? What do I want right now? What do I want in the near future? Do I want to stay in Vail, do I want to go somewhere else?

My mind can easily get lost in racing thoughts of all the possibilities there are to experience in life, and the anxiety that comes with these thoughts is literally like a plague, removing me from the present moment while I get lost in daydreams of potential future outcomes.

But it is not a physical destination I am seeking, rather, a mental, emotional, and physical place that I theoretically and philosophically know is available to me at any moment, although I hardly ever choose to experience it "just because I can."

So rather than dream about a place to escape to, where I believe all my struggles will magically disappear, I am going to stay put, here in Vail (or possibly living with my friend Julie in Gypsum, for more of a sense of community, support, and to save on rent this winter,) and practice being where I know I want to be, here. (Gypsum is in Eagle County so I don't really consider it leaving, since I will keep my same job and same relative location.)

So what do I know I want? And how can I achieve those things here and now?

Self- Love and Self- Acceptance. Being my self instead of looking at others and wishing I had their life, their friends, their body, their whatever! Loving my own personal journey, including the happy, the difficult, and the "wretched" times I encounter.

Peace. To find peace, tranquility, and calm in times of busy-ness (especially at work), self-doubt, and anxiety. To take moments to breathe, and realize that "right here in this moment, I am OK."

Gratitude. Finding things daily to be grateful for.

Adventure. Excitement! Fun! Experiencing new ideas, new people, and new places. There are plenty of places close to home that I haven't ever been to, yet I dream about going somewhere totally new. There are so many things to do here: bike, raft, hike, swim, snowboard, walk, run, camp, but I hardly do any of them because I allow my negative thoughts to rule my life!

A Healthy Body. Feeling awesome in my body by getting daily exercise and eating well all the time! Feeling strong and flexible, nimble and fast!

Friendship. To connect with people I love through sharing time, space, ideas, laughter, fun, smiles, adventures, and joy!

Spirituality. Connecting with my higher self and Source daily!

Family. Staying connected with my family through resources like Skype! And visiting them, of course. (A trip is in order!)

Alternative-minded Ideas. Homemade, DIY, raw food, natural hygiene, using less money, eco transportation (biking and hitch-hiking), gardening, loving unconditionally.

Tomorrow I plan to begin my internet cleanse. What does that mean? Spending time on the internet for only UP TO an hour a day, but hopefully less. I will go online only to blog, check e-mail, and my work schedule.

I also am implementing a daily meditation ritual - starting with 10 minutes a day. 10 minutes to start each day, first thing in the morning, simply sitting and observing my breath and state of being. I am not going to try and eliminate thoughts, rather, to practice mindfulness and observing thoughts (hopefully without engaging them) as they arise, and practice watching them with non-attachment.

Exciting!

I am pretty scatter brained right now. I need some serious detox in my life.

Peace and loving life,
Sofie K

Beautiful Conversations

"I don't know where I'm going - but I'm on my way."

First of all - listen to this!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwrel&v=WgyM2QbvRrk&NR=1


Today I went into Starbucks to see if I could find Julie so she could give me a ride home ...

Julie was not there, and Chris offered to drive me. What happened was we stayed at the store until 10:30 talking about God. It was so beautiful, magical, and inspiring.

The fact is, I feel like life is so much clearer, easier, and filled with more purpose when I have a personal relationship with the Creator, which I have been cultivating more and more recently. (Although I am still sometimes filled with doubts.)

Right now I am not filled with any doubts. I LOVE God, and I know that God loves me.

I also feel like I am exactly where I should be and am not going to try to force any decisions on where I should go from here on to myself. Right now the future is uncertain (isn't it always?) and I am OK with that. I have really been loving my job and opportunities have been opening left and right.

Visit www.thewoodstockfruitfestival.com for info on this event!

I didn't think I was going to make it to the Woodstock Fruit Festival, but now I am deciding to try and go. I have posted a list of dates at work about shifts that I need covered to make that trip, and once people have covered my shifts, I will purchase a plane ticket from Denver to Albany International, from which I will take the offered ride service to the festival (with my massage table)! My intention for attending the Fruit Festival is to have a beautiful cleanse of the body, while meeting and learning a lot from people involved in getting healthy and fit, and also to bring the experience of massage therapy to the festival and help people who are not familiar with massage learn how it can be a valuable tool for their health and fitness (and especially during detox!)

I also have discovered another amazing opportunity - September 9 - 20 there is a free 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat being offered in Elbert, CO. It is a silent retreat, and the website describes Vipassana meditation as "finding awareness of what is." I would really like to participate in this experience, and have applied for the retreat ! I love that it is free, with food and accommodations included, and I hope to donate some money to the organization if I feel like it is helpful and useful. My intention for going on this retreat will be to get a better understanding of the underlying thoughts and belief patterns that seem programmed into my mind and to help let some of them go that are no longer useful.

I am working on actively being of service to humanity while being guided by divine inspiration to lead a life of purpose for myself and those around me.

Trusting and letting go of the outcome.

Knowing that the Creator's plan is infinitely more beautiful than I could ever imagine from my self-centered egoic perspective.

Jump! And the net will appear :)


Infinite Love and Freedom!
Sofie K.

Lots of Thoughts

During my time in Hawaii, I had access to the internet only when I borrowed friends' laptops. (rarely.)

It was amazing !

I actively participated in life SO much more. AND when I wasn't participating, I had one less distraction (the internet) to keep me distracted from what I was attempting to contemplate, work through, or let go of. Or from simple silence. (Trust me though - I have a complete arsenal of mind-numbing distractions at my disposal .. which I am .. slowly .. clearing out also.)

I would consider these things more like addictions - and internet definitely falls into that category.

What I see currently showing up in my life:

Consistent over-eating, especially of unhealthy foods. Thought-less, mind-less eating while Im on the internet  or seeking a feeling or sensation from food.

Spending 6 + hours a day on the internet. Yeah. Doing what? Facebook, YouTube, some constructive mind-expanding, thought-provoking stuff, but also a lot of mindless mindlessness.

Being ok with what I am doing, and not releasing the "second arrow" into myself which Is the blame, self-hate, and anger that sometimes comes with bringing awareness to addictions or "negative behavior patterns."

I am just noticing that I am doing it, acknowledging that it is not in my "best" interest for the long-term, but also thinking that maybe because I am still doing these things that there is something to be learned from these experiences.

With food - what it seems like I should really focus on is feeling good vs. looking good. I know there is NOTHING wrong with looking good, but when it becomes an obsessive thought pattern and ALL of my thoughts become dominated by my self-image (how I perceive people are viewing/experiencing me) it is so unhealthy for my mind.

In general, I notice my thoughts becoming less and less about how I believe other people view me. I still catch myself thinking this sometimes, but can usually quickly realize what I am doing and eliminate these thoughts from my mind.

I saw a quote yesterday that said "You will stop worrying so much about what other people think about you once you realize how rarely they actually do."

Seems true. We are so "I" and "self" obsessed. At least I am. I mean, I don't really know how not to be. This whole life experience has been "my" experience. It's the only one I know. But sometimes I forget that we all share this world, and that people are not just in "my" world. (Although some theorists and explorers of consciousness do propose the idea that we cannot ACTUALLY prove any one else's conscious awareness beyond our own..but thinking like that ... seems like a justification of the ego to simply do as one wishes and disregard everyone else's well-being.) I DONT KNOW :)

The point of that was, that EVERYONE is living in their own perceived reality.

We have not yet transcended the "self" ( the "ego") as the observer, player, and experience-er of this human existence. And who even knows if we are supposed to.

The part of me that says "it is all as it should be" says - of course we are not supposed to, or else we would have already. All is as it should be, and if you are having this "self" egoic human experience, full of struggles, worries, joys, and moments of bliss then it is how the Creator (if there is one) intended it to be (at least in this moment in Time & Space).

But THAT kind of thinking gets me into another hole because then I say -

Well if everything is always as it should be then why bother to change anything? Why not just change our minds to accept and find joy in whatever situation is presented to us instead of constantly trying to force experiences (of what we think we are going to experience) by embarking to seek change.

So this is maybe "being" vs. "doing"

But are we meant to just "be" ? And then what would we experience?

The miracle of the breath, of pure life force pulsating through our bodies?

But at some point we need to eat right? So we go out and look for food, and immediately we are "doing."

So maybe there is a balance between simply "being" - observing what is (in the surroundings and the own mind), non-reactionary, and non-thinking. Non problem solving. Non fixing, non-doing.

And then there is the doing.

I feel like I need to re-learn how to do both of these things. Because I do not remember how to simply "be" - my mind is constantly racing about what I should be "doing", could be "doing", or will be "doing" .. and my actual doing is influenced so greatly by all my desires to seek out happiness, joys, and fulfillment from my outside experiences instead of ..  well, I don't know what else.

I wonder too, if I took more time to just "be" - as in daily structured meditation - observing the breath, observing the mind - would I be able to more easily pin-point the belief systems that I am invested in in my mind that seem to limit my "doing" to actions of seeking and pre-programmed re-actions ?

What an interesting time in my life. I bet if someone looked in from the outside they would think "wow, that girl's life must be so boring - all she does is work, eat (a lot), and be online (also a lot!) But I feel like I am setting myself up for something really cool.

I have actively let go of a lot of limiting belief systems already and have found myself being more genuine, open, and honest in relations and conversations with others. Even people that I just meet! Life is way more fun when you are real, but I know that most people don't "try" to be fake, they (like me) are just filled with insecurities and believe that they have to behave in a certain way to please people or be accepted.

You know, it would be hard to be completely alone, not accepted by anyone. But I think If I was the only one on the side of Love, Peace, and Kinship, I would rather stand alone than try and be accepted by those who only know hate, anger, fear, war, and oppression.

Life is so beautiful!

Thanks for reading, I LOVE you all!

Sofie K