We don't really think before speaking, a lot of the time. We don't think about what we say, the belief system operating behind what we say, and why this belief system is established within us to begin with (and whether or not its actually truth).
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| Many children remember a time when they could not tell "reality" apart from their imaginations. Could it be that we hinder children's creativity and perception of "reality" by believing, ourselves, in a reality that is too limited and concrete? Are we prisoners of this reality simply because we have forgotten what is possible? |
As is currently established in our society, it is a generally accepted belief that children learn about life from their parents. (Teachers, peers, and the media also have a big influence on how children learn to perceive reality.) Whether or not this is the "right" way to do it is up for debate, I'm just calling it like I see it here.
It is of my opinion that as responsible parent, one should become aware of how everything one says, along with the sub-conscious belief systems attached to the words uttered, affects a child learning to perceive reality. (Since we are energetic beings we also pick up on people's thoughts and actions as ways of perceiving the world - but here I will focus just on words spoken, because of the example and context.)
So the child trusts the mother (or parent) to teach him about the world.
What he isn't aware of (unless he is) is that the mother's own sense of reality is inevitably tainted with the her personal assumptions, conclusions, and altogether skewed perceptions about reality that she acquired through personal experience, relations with others, as well as adopted from her family, friends, and culture.
So the child that doesn't question will take on the mother's mis-conceptions about reality (beliefs) as truth.
So let's dissect a few of the apparent (to me) beliefs that the mother is teaching her son in this situation:
-The mother is the authority. She has the right to determine what is "bad" and what is "good."
- He is a bad boy for no reason (because this is what he believes; he does not understand what he did wrong, as he exclaims himself.)
- Since the mother most likely had a reason for calling her son a bad boy, He is a bad boy for doing something deemed 'bad' by his mother, SO ....
- He is a bad boy for dis-obeying his mother (authority)
- He is a bad boy for dis-obeying established authority (He is a 'bad boy' for walking outside the box of conformity that many adults have decided is how "life should be like." )
- Other people's assumptions about reality have the power to determine someone's nature (good or bad)
(Ex: You did something I think is bad, therefore you are a bad boy!)
Maybe you are thinking that the son (maybe 3 or 4 years old) won't remember this incident. Many people believe that our sub-conscious minds remember EVERYTHING! Especially events that had an emotional impact on us.
How might this affect the little boy in the future? This story might be remembered in his sub-conscious memory, and feed him thoughts about his (false) 'bad' nature later in life. He may even start to believe that he is a bad person.
People who don't believe that they are "good enough" tend to have a need to prove their worth later in life. (Until they (hopefully) realize that they do not have to prove their worth to ANYONE.)
How do they attempt to prove this? By being untrue to themselves, pretending to be someone they are not, trying to conform to their image of what "good enough" is that they learned from their parents, friends, society, being afraid to think for themselves, joining establishments that "think" for them, following dogmas (such as those of religions, armies, businesses, etc.) , trying to buy people's love, seeking comfort in addictions, controlling people because they do not believe themselves worthy of true, unconditional love, abusing people and animals (hurting others to lift themselves up a little), mindlessly conforming to society and being afraid to think for themselves in general, believing that they are bad, unworthy, and stupid.
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| Let's all try to a little harder to think before we speak and act. Let's examine the hidden, underlying,often sub-conscious belief systems our words are projecting so as to attempt to limit the amount of our own emotional poison, fears, and limiting beliefs that we dump on to others, especially children. What are we teaching our children about reality? What is it that we believe about it ourselves, why do we hold these beliefs, and are those beliefs necessarily the truth? And are we projecting what we truly believe, or just out-dated beliefs that we "picked up" somewhere? Can we love and trust someone enough to allow them to establish their own beliefs about reality, even if they are inconsistent with our own and sometimes may seem scary or un-safe to us? I know that witnessing this experience was so emotionally charged for me because I am only beginning to scratch the surface of all the "beliefs" I still hold that no longer serve me, and am still resentful of the establishments from which I picked up these beliefs. (Something I am working on letting go of !) I also had thoughts arise such as "Parents are stupid, selfish, afraid, etc." and "It's like they are trying to limit his life, creativity, self-love!" I know I was thinking these thoughts because I feel like I am both the child and the parent, trying to grasp reality from established explanations and assumptions about it (usually quite flawed), as well as judging people, situations, and ideas based on the beliefs I already hold about reality. Leave it to every experience to teach you something about your "self" if you are just open to the lesson ;) |
